NYTimes Connections
- ptooey - Apr 23, 2024 - 7:48am
Wordle - daily game
- ptooey - Apr 23, 2024 - 7:41am
Trump
- haresfur - Apr 23, 2024 - 7:37am
NY Times Strands
- maryte - Apr 23, 2024 - 7:19am
One Partying State - Wyoming News
- sunybuny - Apr 23, 2024 - 6:53am
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos
- sunybuny - Apr 23, 2024 - 6:52am
Radio Paradise Comments
- sunybuny - Apr 23, 2024 - 6:40am
Today in History
- Red_Dragon - Apr 23, 2024 - 6:33am
Dialing 1-800-Manbird
- Manbird - Apr 22, 2024 - 9:24pm
YouTube: Music-Videos
- Red_Dragon - Apr 22, 2024 - 7:42pm
The Obituary Page
- miamizsun - Apr 22, 2024 - 6:26pm
Ukraine
- haresfur - Apr 22, 2024 - 6:19pm
Israel
- Beaker - Apr 22, 2024 - 2:30pm
songs that ROCK!
- Steely_D - Apr 22, 2024 - 1:50pm
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- q4Fry - Apr 22, 2024 - 11:57am
Song of the Day
- oldviolin - Apr 22, 2024 - 9:59am
Republican Party
- R_P - Apr 22, 2024 - 9:36am
Mini Meetups - Post Here!
- ScottFromWyoming - Apr 22, 2024 - 8:59am
Malaysia
- dcruzj - Apr 22, 2024 - 7:30am
Mixtape Culture Club
- miamizsun - Apr 22, 2024 - 7:02am
Canada
- westslope - Apr 22, 2024 - 6:23am
Russia
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - Apr 22, 2024 - 1:03am
Broccoli for cats - you gotta see this!
- Bill_J - Apr 21, 2024 - 6:16pm
TV shows you watch
- Manbird - Apr 21, 2024 - 5:25pm
Name My Band
- DaveInSaoMiguel - Apr 21, 2024 - 3:06pm
What's that smell?
- oldviolin - Apr 21, 2024 - 1:59pm
Main Mix Playlist
- thisbody - Apr 21, 2024 - 12:04pm
George Orwell
- oldviolin - Apr 21, 2024 - 11:36am
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - Apr 20, 2024 - 7:44pm
What Did You See Today?
- Welly - Apr 20, 2024 - 4:50pm
Radio Paradise on multiple Echo speakers via an Alexa Rou...
- victory806 - Apr 20, 2024 - 2:11pm
Libertarian Party
- R_P - Apr 20, 2024 - 11:18am
April 2024 Photo Theme - Happenstance
- fractalv - Apr 20, 2024 - 8:40am
Remembering the Good Old Days
- kurtster - Apr 20, 2024 - 2:37am
Would you drive this car for dating with ur girl?
- kurtster - Apr 19, 2024 - 10:41pm
Vinyl Only Spin List
- kurtster - Apr 19, 2024 - 9:21pm
The Abortion Wars
- Red_Dragon - Apr 19, 2024 - 9:07pm
Words I didn't know...yrs ago
- Bill_J - Apr 19, 2024 - 7:06pm
Things that make you go Hmmmm.....
- Bill_J - Apr 19, 2024 - 6:59pm
Baseball, anyone?
- Red_Dragon - Apr 19, 2024 - 6:51pm
MILESTONES: Famous People, Dead Today, Born Today, Etc.
- Bill_J - Apr 19, 2024 - 6:44pm
2024 Elections!
- steeler - Apr 19, 2024 - 5:49pm
Ask an Atheist
- R_P - Apr 19, 2024 - 3:04pm
Joe Biden
- oldviolin - Apr 19, 2024 - 8:55am
Country Up The Bumpkin
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Apr 19, 2024 - 7:55am
how do you feel right now?
- miamizsun - Apr 19, 2024 - 6:02am
When I need a Laugh I ...
- miamizsun - Apr 19, 2024 - 5:43am
Live Music
- oldviolin - Apr 18, 2024 - 3:24pm
What Makes You Laugh?
- oldviolin - Apr 18, 2024 - 2:49pm
Robots
- miamizsun - Apr 18, 2024 - 2:18pm
Museum Of Bad Album Covers
- Steve - Apr 18, 2024 - 6:58am
Europe
- haresfur - Apr 17, 2024 - 6:47pm
USA! USA! USA!
- R_P - Apr 17, 2024 - 1:48pm
Business as Usual
- black321 - Apr 17, 2024 - 1:48pm
Talk Behind Their Backs Forum
- VV - Apr 17, 2024 - 1:26pm
Science in the News
- Red_Dragon - Apr 17, 2024 - 11:14am
Magic Eye optical Illusions
- Proclivities - Apr 17, 2024 - 10:08am
Just for the Haiku of it. . .
- oldviolin - Apr 17, 2024 - 9:01am
HALF A WORLD
- oldviolin - Apr 17, 2024 - 8:52am
Little known information... maybe even facts
- R_P - Apr 16, 2024 - 3:29pm
260,000 Posts in one thread?
- oldviolin - Apr 16, 2024 - 10:10am
WTF??!!
- rgio - Apr 16, 2024 - 5:23am
Australia has Disappeared
- haresfur - Apr 16, 2024 - 4:58am
Earthquake
- miamizsun - Apr 16, 2024 - 4:46am
It's the economy stupid.
- miamizsun - Apr 16, 2024 - 4:28am
Eclectic Sound-Drops
- thisbody - Apr 14, 2024 - 11:27am
Synchronization
- ReggieDXB - Apr 13, 2024 - 11:40pm
Other Medical Stuff
- geoff_morphini - Apr 13, 2024 - 7:54am
Photos you have taken of your walks or hikes.
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Apr 12, 2024 - 3:50pm
Things You Thought Today
- Red_Dragon - Apr 12, 2024 - 3:05pm
Poetry Forum
- oldviolin - Apr 12, 2024 - 8:45am
Dear Bill
- oldviolin - Apr 12, 2024 - 8:16am
Radio Paradise in Foobar2000
- gvajda - Apr 11, 2024 - 6:53pm
New Song Submissions system
- MayBaby - Apr 11, 2024 - 6:29am
No TuneIn Stream Lately
- kurtster - Apr 10, 2024 - 6:26pm
|
Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
Quotes: Your Favorite Comedians
|
Page: Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Next |
Rod
Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 9:10am |
|
|
|
geordiezimmerman
Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 9:06am |
|
Nancy Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison."
Churchill: "If I were your husband I would take it."
|
|
geordiezimmerman
Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 9:02am |
|
phineas wrote: Same for me — never heard of him. Will YouTube something later.
Sadly he died young, just as he was making a name for himself. Drugs, drink, the nornal. 33 I think?
He was some weird guy though, strange delivery that takes a while to get used to, always seemed off his head on something but by all accounts never was on stage, just seemed that way.
I play his stuff a lot still, laugh every time no matter how many time i hear it.
|
|
geordiezimmerman
Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:58am |
|
There has recently been a new Mitch hedberg release called ' Do you believe in gosh?Not much more exists after that apart from his other main two. All are as funny as you would ever want. From his latest If you have dentures, don't use artificial sweetener, cause you'll get a fake cavity.
That'd be funny if you were a drummer, and you grabbed two magical wands instead of drumsticks. You're pounding out the beat "1-2-3-4 Oh shit, my Bass Player's now a can of soup... Sorry Rick, I mean Cream of Mushroom!"
I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it'd be a jacket
|
|
phineas
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:54am |
|
Alafia wrote: These are excellent; how is it I've never heard of this person?
Same for me — never heard of him. Will YouTube something later.
|
|
winter
Location: in exile, as always Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:54am |
|
Rod wrote:Mitch Hedberg was indeed brilliant! "When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."
"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one is the real hero?"
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
"I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist."
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Also to the late, great Bill Hicks... BAM! Next question.
|
|
Rod
Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:53am |
|
Alafia wrote: These are excellent; how is it I've never heard of this person?
You can find footage on youtube. His odd delivery was a large part of what made him so funny. I don't think he had a very long career before he died of a drug overdose.
|
|
Alafia
Location: the dojo Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:49am |
|
Rod wrote:Mitch Hedberg was indeed brilliant! "When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."
"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one is the real hero?"
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
"I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist."
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
These are excellent; how is it I've never heard of this person?
|
|
lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:46am |
|
Hairfarmer wrote:"My next door neighbor used to bang on the wall. Since I wasn't making noise I decided to mess with him. Everytime he did it I would yell back, though the wall, 'I cannot open the wall! It has no knob! You have to go outside to the door!'" - Mitch Hedburg
i saw this thread title and immediately thought of hedburg. i miss him.
|
|
Hairfarmer
Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby. Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:27am |
|
"My next door neighbor used to bang on the wall. Since I wasn't making noise I decided to mess with him. Everytime he did it I would yell back, though the wall, 'I cannot open the wall! It has no knob! You have to go outside to the door!'" - Mitch Hedburg
|
|
Rod
Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:26am |
|
Mitch Hedberg was indeed brilliant! "When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."
"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one is the real hero?"
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
"I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist."
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Also to the late, great Bill Hicks...
|
|
samiyam
Location: Moving North
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:17am |
|
"Intelligent people like you make me want to show off, which is the idiot's version of being interesting." ~ Steve Martin ~
|
|
Sean-E-Sean
Location: Tk’emlúps te Secwépemc
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:13am |
|
We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution
-Bill Hicks
|
|
Sean-E-Sean
Location: Tk’emlúps te Secwépemc
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:11am |
|
Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?
-Bill Hicks
|
|
Sean-E-Sean
Location: Tk’emlúps te Secwépemc
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:09am |
|
Because you know if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards they sound better. "Oh come on, Bill, they're the New Kids, don't pick on them, they're so good and they're so clean cut and they're such a good image for the children." Fuck that! When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children to listen to people who fucking ROCKED! I don't care if they died in puddles of their own vomit! I want someone who plays from his fucking HEART!
-Bill Hicks
|
|
Sean-E-Sean
Location: Tk’emlúps te Secwépemc
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:08am |
|
We gotta come to some new ideas about life folks ok? I'm not being blase about abortion, it might be a real issue, it might not, doesn't matter to me. What matters is that if you believe in the sanctity of life then you believe it for life of all ages. That's what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. "Save the children! They're killing children! How many children were at Waco? They're killing children!" What does that mean? They reach a certain age and they're off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that's the way you think then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up.
-Bill Hicks
|
|
Sean-E-Sean
Location: Tk’emlúps te Secwépemc
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:06am |
|
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
-Bill Hicks
|
|
Hairfarmer
Location: The birthplace of Rock & Roll, baby. Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:05am |
|
"I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to mix it with."
- Steven Wright
|
|
geordiezimmerman
Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:04am |
|
I saw a lady on T.V. She was born without arms. Literally, she was born with her hands attached to her shoulders... and that was sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't.'" And that to me was kinda worse... in a way... ya know? Not only does she not have arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's very simple Lola, you just take two words, you put them together, then you take out the middle letters, you put a comma in there and you raise it up! The late great Mitch Hedberg, Funniest man I've ever heard.
|
|
Sean-E-Sean
Location: Tk’emlúps te Secwépemc
|
Posted:
Dec 17, 2008 - 8:04am |
|
I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth.
-Bill Hicks
|
|
|