Karen Valentine...

...she was too busy with her schoolwork - preparing for Room 222

Maxwell Smart.  Tried to sail to the island, "Missed it by THAT much!"

Felix Unger.  All that sand everywhere . . . too messy!

 ScottFromWyoming wrote: 
Baseball can not come too soon.

 

 justlistening wrote: 

I bet if they had just put a little more air in the General Lee's tires, they could have floated there.

The Beatles. They said it was nowhere, man.

 bokey wrote:

Am I bored? Oh yeah. Sung to the tune of the theme song.
************************************************************

Stevie Wonder was born to plunder
A pirate lad was he
He made a plan
To leave the land
To rob and pillage at sea

Stevie was a mighty singing man
No doubt 'bout that it's sure
 But he was blind as a fucking bat
When he'd pee he'd hit the floor, he'd pee and hit the floor

 His life it started getting rough
 When Motown signed him young
But he got rich as a sonuvabitch
For all the songs he'd sung, all the songs he'd sung

He watched reruns of Gilligan, although he could not see
With groupies, his posse too, who carried guns and some knives, some cocaine, a case of Crystal
 Where the Hell was Stevie's mind?

He wrote til he stank
And put cash in the bank
And one day he bought a boat
His friends said Steve you know you're blind
You can't swim or even float

His posse and his skank hos too
All tried their very best
To put up with his crazy shit
Cause he'd feather their nest

No phone no lights, no motor cars
No fucking MTV
No synth no loops, no pitch correction
What is this , Tommy Dorsey?

 And so they left poor Stevie there alone in his new boat
 He missed a turn along the way , he now just kinda floats
He won't be joining Gilligan
He's no longer on TV
He is just some old blind guy
Floating out at sea

 Alexandra wrote: 
I bet Gilligan had something to do with it.

People thought Jimmy Hoffa never made it to the island—but he actually did. He's still there. Beneath the grove of five palm trees on the east corner behind the Howells' hut.

 justlistening wrote: 
That was one sweet jump the General Lee just couldn't make.

Yeeeeeehawwww!

 jagdriver wrote: 

And the Duke boys because they tried driving there, and well, that just didn't work out.

Daisy Duke, because the island already had too much eye candy.

The Beach Boys, because there really is such a thing as too much irony.

 mem_313 wrote: 

Thank you!  You're pretty hot yourself, Mel.

 bokey wrote: 
you hate me right? giggle

 shmgeggie wrote: 
Nikita Khrushchev, because if he was barefoot on an island, he wouldn't have a shoe handy to bang while threatening to bury people in the sand.

 shmgeggie wrote: 
RIGHT?

stupid communism.

Fidel Castro, because he was already stranded on an island.

 Yibbyl wrote: 

carpet or drapes?