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Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » Caretakers Of Our Parents Page: Previous  1, 2, 3, ... 51, 52, 53  Next
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miamizsun

miamizsun Avatar

Location: (3261.3 Miles SE of RP)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 7:00am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
sorry for your loss

try and organize family vacations or reunions

make it as easy as possible

peace
lily34

lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Gender: Female


Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 6:54am

 marko86 wrote:
Thanks for all the kind comments.

 

oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 6:07am

 marko86 wrote:
Thanks for all the kind comments.

 

marko86

marko86 Avatar

Location: North TX
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 5:36am

Thanks for all the kind comments.
kurtster

kurtster Avatar

Location: drifting
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 4:58pm

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
My condolences.  Peace is the goal.  No rules for what comes next.  Memories are now the eternal life.

{#Meditate} 
FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 4:56pm

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
My condolences.  You have a road ahead of you.  I felt the same way the night my mother passed.  The stages are confusing and aggravating.  
Welly

Welly Avatar

Location: Lotusland
Gender: Female


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 1:15pm

 Hi marko - I had the same feelings a few months ago when my mother passed. Don't worry about how you 'think you should' feel. We feel how we feel. It's pretty complicated but it's all good.
The odd thing for me is how much more often I find my mother in my thoughts now, more than she ever was when she was alive, and we were close, talked a lot. It's very weird.


marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 


Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 10:14am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
 

It's probably a little of both. It's perfectly natural to be relieved that our dearest loved ones aren't suffering any longer, or even languishing in a quality of life that isn't optimal. And of course, like any loss, grief comes in waves.

 How touching that she got to have her loving son with her when she passed. I hope I get to do the same for my mom (although I suspect I will get "the call" one day instead). I too wonder if our family will start to drift apart a little, since we won't have a common thing to keep one another posted about.

 

My heart goes out to you, Marko....and all your family. May your mother rest in eternal peace.


olivertwist

olivertwist Avatar

Location: Atlanta GA
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 9:07am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
{#Meditate} Sincere condolences. When my mom passed away, it didn't really hit me until I visited my parents' house a few days later and saw assorted personal items like her coffee cup & pieces of paper on which she wrote and doodled while playing her daily word games. Since then (two years ago now), grief still hits me unexpectedly at times. As Antigone said, grief is sneaky. Best wishes.
Antigone

Antigone Avatar

Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Gender: Female


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 7:53am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
I'm so sorry for your loss. Do take care of yourself. Grief is a sneaky bastard.


Coaxial

Coaxial Avatar

Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles eas
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 7:12am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
So sorry for your loss...My condolences.{#Meditate}
lily34

lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Gender: Female


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 6:59am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
i'm sorry. my mom - who was in the medical profession - says sometimes it takes 6 weeks to really hit you. be good to you.
marko86

marko86 Avatar

Location: North TX
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 6:52am

Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.
Antigone

Antigone Avatar

Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Gender: Female


Posted: Oct 1, 2016 - 5:14pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.

 
Peace.
oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Oct 1, 2016 - 5:11pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.
 
Courage.
Coaxial

Coaxial Avatar

Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles eas
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 30, 2016 - 7:33pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.

 
Washing your eyeballs from the inside out sometimes is good for the soul...Hang in there.{#Meditate}
FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 30, 2016 - 7:14pm

Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.


FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 27, 2016 - 4:46pm

 Alexandra wrote:

 

Always.

 

And if anyone is all about comfort and NOT suffering, it's Hospice....I'm surprised they don't stay engaged. A friend of mine in the Pharm business who dealt with lots of Hospice reps say it's a huge business these days (now that it's subsidized), even when people aren't near death.



 
I can see that being true.  Mom was in hospice for less than six hours before she passed.  I'm quite sure it's that under-tongue dose of morphine that "took the edge off".  Either way, by that time, and under the circumstances in the end, it was a blessing for mom and I both.  

... if that's what happened. No way to know at this point.


Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female


Posted: Sep 27, 2016 - 12:38pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:

I certainly do feel for you in that situation. It gets to a point where, exactly as you said, the lack of quality of life and suffering becomes the major concern.

 
 

Always.

 

And if anyone is all about comfort and NOT suffering, it's Hospice....I'm surprised they don't stay engaged. A friend of mine in the Pharm business who dealt with lots of Hospice reps say it's a huge business these days (now that it's subsidized), even when people aren't near death.


FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 27, 2016 - 12:24pm

 marko86 wrote:
Apparently my mother is not declining fast enough so they are talking about taking her off hospice. i think much of it is due to taking her off many meds and switching to patch for pain management.I have mixed feeling on all that. She has no real quality of life.Dementia is probably not going to kill her, but the Diabetes/kidney failure likely will at some point. I am the only one who gives her chocolate for some reason, but then I am her favorite.

 
I certainly do feel for you in that situation. It gets to a point where, exactly as you said, the lack of quality of life and suffering becomes the major concern.
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