FourFortyEight wrote: 
 
Those of us who've been there (or not) feel for you and understand. Glad you shared all this here. Hoping for everyone's highest good there.....

 FourFortyEight wrote: 
 A lot on your plate. Hang tough! I felt that way (desperate to not miss anything, not fuck up) and it is normal. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is. Maybe others can back me up.

Mom's got Cushing's Syndrome again at 80.  The meds that worked 6 years ago don't seem to be grabbing hold.  We're going to a specialist next week.  If he doesn't find an adenoma somewhere... something we can remove to fix this mess or if her body doesn't respond to the treatment, we're in trouble.  Her potassium levels are dropping even with increased dosage... if the body can't metabolize it, it's useless.  She's in a nursing home for rehab and recovery... after a week in the hospital.  Throw a dash of pneumonia on top of that.  She's been sick for 5 months.

I don't know that she'd survive a surgery if they found a tumor, let alone putting her under at her age.  Her mind is weak.  She has panic attacks and psychosis at times in the mornings.  I'm awakened to a frightened phone call before I can even wake up and get through my own morning panic attack.  I'm in charge and I'm trying desperately not to miss something, not fuck up and fail to think of the right questions, and pay enough attention to my job (by remote from the nursing home at times) so that my coworkers that are "keeping us in their prayers" aren't sure whether or not I'm milking the FMLA and secretly resent for being out so much (you'd be surprised at what they said about the last guy who was out for 3 weeks when his mother succumbed to cancer).  

I shut down social media a few weeks ago and the number of people I have to vent to I can count on one hand.  I'm grateful, but the more opinions that sprout up just make it worse sometimes.  I just feel like I'm wearing them out.  I try to keep most of it to myself. 

Work has been cool... FMLA... they're all about taking care of family and I have hundreds of hours available.  I hope I won't need them.  I hope she rebounds like she did.  I hope she comes home and gripes at me while throwing a kick-ass country pot roast into the oven a few more times.  If that happens again, I'll never take it for granted again, nor mistake it for anything other than what it is... 

Everything in the world to be thankful for. 

 marko86 wrote: 
I'm so sorry.

 marko86 wrote: 
 
My heart goes out to both of you.....  

 marko86 wrote: 
oh, gosh.
so, so hard.

 marko86 wrote: 
been there... our last meal together as a family was tough.. Me and my sister both knew the portent of it all and Mum just tucked in happy as larry.. tough times.  I remember the dead weight thing too. Trying to get her into the passenger seat of the car..   good thoughts your way..

 marko86 wrote: 

 Alexandra wrote: 
I applaud your family! 

 Alexandra wrote: 
Excellent.

 Alexandra wrote: 
Wonderful

My eldest sister (recently widowed) is flying over from her Hawaiian home today to go visit our mom for 2 weeks. This is monumental. We never thought she would visit mainland USA again due to her age and her reluctance to travel. We never thought she'd see Mom in person again.
 
She and another big sister are whisking Mom away (out of her facility) for a little respite at her home in N. Kentucky...where she will be attended to and pampered for a week or so.
 
This will be SO good for Mom. (And the Hawaiian sister)

 MsJudi wrote: 

 MsJudi wrote: 
Don't discount one for the other. My mom-in-law has some light dimentia/senility going on, but also gets occasional infections (UTI primarily, but others as well). We have learned that odd behavior is often a leading indicator of an infection coming on.

Every case is different, but there are a lot of complex interconnected things going on.  Docs and testing are a good start. Keeping good track of progress, symptoms, day to day events and happenings are important to see where the baseline is. 

Thanks, all. My mother finally got him to the hospital this morning, they're running tests and will keep him overnight. The weird thing is, they aren't looking for dementia or Alzheimer's. They're looking for a UTI or some other illness. This worries me, because in my experience, 2 things are true: the loved ones of the patient aren't willing to face the prospect of dementia, and therefore won't accurately report symptoms and timelines to doctors (or downplay their significance), and secondly, doctors and others who only see the person a few minutes at a time are skeptical that dementia is present because from moment to moment to moment, the person can answer questions, follow orders, etc; it's only over a matter of several hours to several days that the symptoms of dementia become glaringly obvious.

Anyway, he's seeing docs and having tests and at this point, that's a Good Thing.

If they're not willing participants it most definitely is hard.

 MsJudi wrote: 
Don't worry about the future. Stay in the present - throw away all the crap you dealt with regarding your father - and breathe.

Talk to Alexandra about short-term memory loss. Her mother has been coping well - and lived in her own home for years, with help.

No panicking, okay?

 MsJudi wrote: 
I've been through it 3 times Hon,you can't try to outfigure the crazyness or,well,you know.

Here we go, again. My step father is losing his short-term memory, a sure sign of dementia, at- what my mother terms- "an alarming rate". We are less than a year and a half past this with my father, who died on January 1, 2015. We had hoped we had more time before the next one. And this is a surprise- we had really believed it would be my mother (still do) who will succumb to dementia, eventually. Complication: my step father is a Canadian, which could be good financially for his family if he has access to socialized long term care, but bad for us if my mother follows him to Canada (just about a mortal lock- if it was your spouse, wouldn't you?) and then falls victim to dementia, as well.

Sigh.