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Got a good recipe you care to share ??? - NoEnzLefttoSplit - Sep 23, 2021 - 1:32am
 
Stream breaking every few seconds - bufes - Sep 23, 2021 - 1:30am
 
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos - NoEnzLefttoSplit - Sep 22, 2021 - 9:19pm
 
Derplahoma! - haresfur - Sep 22, 2021 - 6:20pm
 
COVID-19 - rhahl - Sep 22, 2021 - 4:54pm
 
Military Matters - Red_Dragon - Sep 22, 2021 - 4:37pm
 
Radio Paradise Comments - GeneP59 - Sep 22, 2021 - 3:24pm
 
Think About It - miamizsun - Sep 22, 2021 - 3:09pm
 
Google Assistant not streaming RP Main Mix - temexter - Sep 22, 2021 - 3:08pm
 
Bear! - haresfur - Sep 22, 2021 - 2:23pm
 
Interesting or Weird Cover Versions - miamizsun - Sep 22, 2021 - 2:07pm
 
Australia has Disappeared - haresfur - Sep 22, 2021 - 2:05pm
 
Music documentaries - oldviolin - Sep 22, 2021 - 1:06pm
 
The Obituary Page - westslope - Sep 22, 2021 - 12:39pm
 
Baseball, anyone? - ScottFromWyoming - Sep 22, 2021 - 9:58am
 
Climate Change - westslope - Sep 22, 2021 - 8:27am
 
Way Cool Video - Red_Dragon - Sep 22, 2021 - 7:06am
 
Strange signs, marquees, billboards, etc. - Proclivities - Sep 22, 2021 - 5:58am
 
Radio Paradise NFL Pick'em Group - sunybuny - Sep 22, 2021 - 4:49am
 
volcano! - miamizsun - Sep 22, 2021 - 3:55am
 
Counting with Pictures - yuel - Sep 22, 2021 - 12:34am
 
Trump - westslope - Sep 21, 2021 - 10:03pm
 
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •  - Manbird - Sep 21, 2021 - 9:12pm
 
New Music - oppositelock - Sep 21, 2021 - 7:15pm
 
2020 Elections - R_P - Sep 21, 2021 - 7:09pm
 
All Dogs Go To Heaven - Dog Pix - miamizsun - Sep 21, 2021 - 6:01pm
 
RightWingNutZ - Red_Dragon - Sep 21, 2021 - 3:24pm
 
Sunrise, Sunset - oldviolin - Sep 21, 2021 - 1:58pm
 
If not RP, what are you listening to right now? - rgio - Sep 21, 2021 - 12:50pm
 
The war on funk is over! - Ohmsen - Sep 21, 2021 - 10:39am
 
Pernicious Pious Proclivities Particularized Prodigiously - R_P - Sep 21, 2021 - 10:33am
 
Crazy? Quiz - KurtfromLaQuinta - Sep 21, 2021 - 10:25am
 
Name My Band - Ohmsen - Sep 21, 2021 - 9:23am
 
BACK TO THE 80's - Ohmsen - Sep 21, 2021 - 9:11am
 
Marijuana: Baked News. - Ohmsen - Sep 21, 2021 - 8:37am
 
Make Scott laugh - Ohmsen - Sep 21, 2021 - 8:11am
 
Putin Owns Trump - Red_Dragon - Sep 21, 2021 - 5:01am
 
International Day of Peace - miamizsun - Sep 21, 2021 - 4:21am
 
Museum Of Bad Album Covers - yuel - Sep 21, 2021 - 3:05am
 
Things You Thought Today - haresfur - Sep 21, 2021 - 12:35am
 
What the hell OV? - oldviolin - Sep 20, 2021 - 9:42pm
 
That's good advice - oldviolin - Sep 20, 2021 - 8:49pm
 
Breaking News - Red_Dragon - Sep 20, 2021 - 7:52pm
 
Hello from France - westslope - Sep 20, 2021 - 6:45pm
 
Immigration - R_P - Sep 20, 2021 - 2:08pm
 
Bug Reports & Feature Requests - ScottFromWyoming - Sep 20, 2021 - 10:17am
 
Play the Blues - miamizsun - Sep 20, 2021 - 9:29am
 
What is the meaning of this? - oldviolin - Sep 20, 2021 - 8:58am
 
Philosophy (Meaty Metaphysical Munchables!) - sirdroseph - Sep 20, 2021 - 5:19am
 
The Future is here! - sirdroseph - Sep 20, 2021 - 4:42am
 
Taxes, Taxes, Taxes (and Taxes) - R_P - Sep 19, 2021 - 4:05pm
 
Crazy conspiracy theories - Ohmsen - Sep 19, 2021 - 2:11pm
 
Photos you have taken of yourself - Antigone - Sep 19, 2021 - 1:52pm
 
HALF A WORLD - oldviolin - Sep 19, 2021 - 11:43am
 
Recommended documentaries - Ohmsen - Sep 19, 2021 - 11:37am
 
What The Hell Buddy? - oldviolin - Sep 19, 2021 - 10:29am
 
What are you doing RIGHT NOW? - miamizsun - Sep 19, 2021 - 6:40am
 
-PUNS- Fast Food - haresfur - Sep 18, 2021 - 11:03pm
 
You heard it here first - rhahl - Sep 18, 2021 - 9:29pm
 
As California Goes, So Goes The Rest Of The Country - haresfur - Sep 18, 2021 - 5:45pm
 
Graphic designers, ho's! - Proclivities - Sep 18, 2021 - 10:11am
 
what the hell, miamizsun? - oldviolin - Sep 18, 2021 - 8:59am
 
Today in History - Red_Dragon - Sep 18, 2021 - 8:16am
 
NASA & other news from space - miamizsun - Sep 18, 2021 - 8:02am
 
Mixtape Culture Club - miamizsun - Sep 18, 2021 - 7:38am
 
The Best Commercials - miamizsun - Sep 17, 2021 - 3:07pm
 
Terrorist Watch! - Red_Dragon - Sep 17, 2021 - 5:37am
 
SFW & Gluttony Pants - miamizsun - Sep 17, 2021 - 4:50am
 
Joe Biden - Red_Dragon - Sep 16, 2021 - 11:54am
 
The Dragons' Roost - GeneP59 - Sep 16, 2021 - 9:59am
 
Spambags on RP - Steely_D - Sep 16, 2021 - 3:36am
 
Are you ready for some football? - Red_Dragon - Sep 15, 2021 - 4:18pm
 
Star Trek - miamizsun - Sep 15, 2021 - 3:07pm
 
COVID and China's Influence - coding_to_music - Sep 15, 2021 - 12:43pm
 
COVID and Children - coding_to_music - Sep 15, 2021 - 12:37pm
 
Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » ~ Have a good joke you can post? ~ Page: 1, 2, 3 ... 310, 311, 312  Next
Post to this Topic
whatshisname

whatshisname Avatar

Location: West OZ
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 2, 2021 - 11:12pm

I was visiting the local library and asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She leaned right over towards me and whispered that they were right behind me.
Steely_D

Steely_D Avatar

Location: Biscayne Bay
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 2, 2021 - 8:13pm

How do you tell the extrovert neurologist?

He stares at your shoes.
haresfur

haresfur Avatar

Location: The Golden Triangle
Gender: Male


Posted: Aug 2, 2021 - 4:11pm

My urologist said it isn't unusual for someone to get a spontaneous erection and ejaculate during a prostate exam.
... but I wish he wouldn't

rhahl

rhahl Avatar



Posted: Aug 1, 2021 - 5:48am

On "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" the sign-off question was: Now that the "Indians" have changed their name to the "Guardians," which sports team will change their name next and to what?  Maeve Higgins said it will be the Yankees, which will stay the Yankees, but with a J.
oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 28, 2021 - 8:27am

objective media.

wait for it...
whatshisname

whatshisname Avatar

Location: West OZ
Gender: Male


Posted: Apr 12, 2020 - 3:42am

Anyone else noticed many bookshops are giving away 2020 diaries for free ?
black321

black321 Avatar

Location: An earth without maps
Gender: Male


Posted: Apr 10, 2020 - 4:47pm

An old engineer’s time is up and he duly reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his file and says, "Ah, you're an engineer - you're in the wrong place." So the engineer heads back down, checks in at the gates of hell and is let right in. Pretty soon, he gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. Despite the large number of program managers, purchasing agents and financial controllers there - where else can they go? - everything goes smoothly. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a popular man. He settles comfortably back into his old profession - hardly anything has changed from back on earth, except the boss appreciates him now, and the working conditions are better.

One day God calls Satan on the telephone and asks, a little smugly, it must be said, "How are things down there in hell?" Satan replies, "It's going pretty well. We have air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No chance! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs his head off and answers, "Aye, right - and just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

Steely_D

Steely_D Avatar

Location: Biscayne Bay
Gender: Male


Posted: Feb 10, 2020 - 10:40pm

I was just at a restaurant the other night. Paid $20K for a tasting menu, and for dessert they had a trained peacock regurgitate directly into my mouth.

It was okay, but frankly I've had $10K meals that tasted just as good.

SeriousLee

SeriousLee Avatar

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres


Posted: Apr 5, 2019 - 1:10pm

A man gets on the train. He goes to the train conductor and says, "I need to get off in Philadelphia. I am so tired I just know I will fall asleep. Could you please make sure I get off in Philadelphia? Will you wake me up? I haven't slept in 2 days, so I may wake up cranky and give you a hard time, but please PLEASE make sure I get off in Philadelphia. Even if you have to throw me out. Will you do that, please? " The conductor says, "No problem, sir. I'll make sure you get off in Philadelphia."

So the guy wakes up. The train is stopped. He is in New York. He is livid! Furious, he goes after the conductor. It took three guys to hold him off and throw him out the train. A lady who watched the whole thing, turned to the conductor and said, "Boy was that man ever angry". The conductor said, "Ya...well, you should have seen the man we threw off the train in Philadelphia"
SeriousLee

SeriousLee Avatar

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres


Posted: Mar 1, 2019 - 12:39pm

A Newfie won a fishing boat in a raffle and tows it home. His wife looks at him and says, "What in the name o' Lard Jasus are you gonna do with dat, bye? We lives on a farm. There's nary a bit o' water within 75 miles o' 'ere."

He says, "Don't care. I won 'er and I'm gonna keep 'er."

Several days later the Newfie's brother comes over to visit. He looks out in the field behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a fishing boat in the middle of the field with a fishing rod in his hand.He stands at the edge of the field and yells out to him, "What the frig are you doin'?"

His brother calls back, "I'm fishin'. What the frig does it look like I'ma doin'?"

His brother yells back, "Lard tunderin' my son, it's people like yout hat gives Newfies a bad name, making everyone think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick you in the friggin arse."
pigtail

pigtail Avatar

Location: Southern California
Gender: Female


Posted: Jan 7, 2019 - 9:45am



 KurtfromLaQuinta wrote:
Three women all die in a car crash and go to Heaven on the same day. They are waiting at the pearly gates when St. Peter arrives and greets them.

“Welcome to Heaven, ladies. There is only one rule here in Heaven: don’t step on the ducks.”

The women each look at each other with confusion. St. Peter opens the gate and sure enough, there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground.

The first woman goes in and lasts a week before stepping on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest man she has ever seen and handcuffs them together.

He says, “This is your punishment for stepping on a duck. You are now stuck with this man for all eternity,” and disappears.

The second woman lasts for a month before finally stepping on a duck. The same thing happens again. St. Peter arrives with the ugliest man she has ever seen, handcuffs them together, explains what has happened and leaves.

The third woman continues to enjoy Heaven for years and years, never stepping on a duck. Suddenly, St. Peter pops up out of nowhere with the most gorgeous man she has ever seen. He handcuffs them together, and without saying a word, leaves.

The woman looks up at the man, bats her eyelashes and says, “Gee, I wonder what I did to deserve you.”

He slowly looks down at her and says, “I don’t know what you did, but I stepped on a duck.”
 

Funny......LOL
pigtail

pigtail Avatar

Location: Southern California
Gender: Female


Posted: Jan 7, 2019 - 9:43am



 Proclivities wrote:
A friend of mine told me that she had uttered a Freudian slip while having breakfast with her husband one morning.  She meant to say "Pass the salt", but accidentally said "You've ruined my life you f***ing, a$$hole!"
 

LOL
oldviolin

oldviolin Avatar

Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 7, 2019 - 8:08am

 westslope wrote:
There are two kinds of men in this world.  Those that are pussy-whipped and those that wish they were pussy-whipped.

 
Ugh. It's complicated...
Proclivities

Proclivities Avatar

Location: Paris of the Piedmont
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 7, 2019 - 8:05am

A friend of mine told me that she had uttered a Freudian slip while having breakfast with her husband one morning.  She meant to say "Pass the salt", but accidentally said "You've ruined my life you f***ing, a$$hole!"
westslope

westslope Avatar

Location: BC sage brush steppe


Posted: Dec 11, 2018 - 1:52pm

There are two kinds of men in this world.  Those that are pussy-whipped and those that wish they were pussy-whipped.
lowelltr

lowelltr Avatar

Location: Cardinal Nation
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 11, 2018 - 1:46pm

I told my wife she arched her eyebrows too much.

She seemed surprised.
KurtfromLaQuinta

KurtfromLaQuinta Avatar

Location: Really deep in the heart of South California
Gender: Male


Posted: Dec 10, 2018 - 1:11pm

Three women all die in a car crash and go to Heaven on the same day. They are waiting at the pearly gates when St. Peter arrives and greets them.

“Welcome to Heaven, ladies. There is only one rule here in Heaven: don’t step on the ducks.”

The women each look at each other with confusion. St. Peter opens the gate and sure enough, there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground.

The first woman goes in and lasts a week before stepping on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest man she has ever seen and handcuffs them together.

He says, “This is your punishment for stepping on a duck. You are now stuck with this man for all eternity,” and disappears.

The second woman lasts for a month before finally stepping on a duck. The same thing happens again. St. Peter arrives with the ugliest man she has ever seen, handcuffs them together, explains what has happened and leaves.

The third woman continues to enjoy Heaven for years and years, never stepping on a duck. Suddenly, St. Peter pops up out of nowhere with the most gorgeous man she has ever seen. He handcuffs them together, and without saying a word, leaves.

The woman looks up at the man, bats her eyelashes and says, “Gee, I wonder what I did to deserve you.”

He slowly looks down at her and says, “I don’t know what you did, but I stepped on a duck.”
SeriousLee

SeriousLee Avatar

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres


Posted: Sep 22, 2018 - 12:39pm

Q: What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant?
A: Is it mine?


SeriousLee

SeriousLee Avatar

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres


Posted: Sep 15, 2018 - 10:18am

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
SeriousLee

SeriousLee Avatar

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres


Posted: Sep 15, 2018 - 10:13am

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Page: 1, 2, 3 ... 310, 311, 312  Next