lily34 wrote:Your fourth grade teacher went to the principal and said First Grade, Start kids out in First Grade. You have to be able to read in Fourth Grade. (You were tallest in your class—way to go!) 

 lily34 wrote: 



I saw your sexy bikini calendar. It was pretty good, except for how all your bikinis were made from John Wayne masks.

 oldslabsides wrote: 



You tell strangers that the word "parachute" makes you itchy "like a big sow with a belly full of copper".

 winter wrote: 
your 3rd grade teacher once told your parents not to expect too much, except maybe lots of questions. lots and lots of questions.

 winter wrote: 
Pee Wee Herman called, he wants his bolo ties back.

 ScottN wrote: 



In the olden days, you would have been denounced as a Jimmy Buffett impersonator and left for dead.

 ScottN wrote: 



In the olden days, you would have been denounced as a Jimmy Buffett impersonator and left for dead.

 RASPUTIN wrote: 

 RASPUTIN wrote:You would know.  Going back thru old papers on the Titanic ( I am writing a book—Cowards of the North Atlantic) and in research one can't overlook how several eye-witnesses saw your great  great Uncle push aside a twelve year old disabled girl to get in the last lifeboat.

 oldslabsides wrote:Oh my, back to zoology, eh.  During this vacation I took time off from my regular duties at the University to catch up on some taxonomy, as you may already know.  What I didn't know is what an impact you have made on the subject. Tree sloths are a primitive primate thought to have evolved from a proto-skeleton growing reptile. The pre-primate, post-reptile fossil named Stfu. Oslabbius is a good case in point. St.O apparently grew a skeleton but had no discernible spine and thoroughly lacked any sort of working brain. Let me be the first to congratulate you on your contributions to science. Please donate your body to the University after your passing..  I'll have our morgue send over the required paperwork. Please fill them asap bcs, well, you never know.  Thanks in advance.

 oldslabsides wrote: 


You claim to be the person who invented the phrase "Hum Dinger"

 ScottN wrote: 


Santa threw his back out filling your christmas stocking. He said he hasn't shoveled that much coal since he worked the boilers on the Titanic.

 ScottN wrote: 
Tree sloths find you boring.

 RASPUTIN wrote:I admire the effort you made without embarrassment or even self-sonciousness in trying exchange the Christmas present boxer shorts you received, even though by then they were "somewhat soiled".  I think what really blew it for you, though, were the items you tried to exchange from the Salvation Army.

 ScottN wrote: 


On odd numbered days only half the human race projectile vomits when you exhale. Even numbered dsys...the other half.

 oldslabsides wrote: There is a dark, dank corner of your house.  Go stand in it and ask yourself, "Self, how can I least be an acceptable person, someone who at least gets a nod now and then instead of this alienation that surrounds me?  Then as you think, stop.  Bcs it won't help and nobody gives a rats patooey about you, or anybody else anyway..  And that sums it up.  Sorry. truth can hurt.  Don't shoot the messenger.  It's a cold world, so get a coat and mittens..

 ScottN wrote: 
Sand has a higher intellect than you.

 Manbird wrote:I was going to ask smth silly and inconsequential like "what color is the sky in your world"  Silly.  But then I remembered ...you're locked in a cellar by your batshit crazy great aunt and there is NO SKY in your world.  Sad, but at least she let's you have a computer. We're coming to free you!!!   Sorry, I lied.

 ScottN wrote: 
In Japan, the elders believe that a clan of ninja ghost soldiers guard the portal to your soul. Then they get drunk on saki and kick the crap out of it and stab it with those little knives they carry in their back pockets. In the morning, they prop it up against a wall and say they found it like that. If souls have kidneys, yours will be pissing blood in the morning.  

 oldslabsides wrote:Ooooooh, that gets me so riled when you remind me of the effects of my state as a hermaphradoodle, that I think I 'll go to the mall with my rifle to let off some steam.  Can you say "banana clip?".  Well, I guess it's late..the mall is closed and I don't have a rifle.  So!  A pox on your shoe repair kit and may your cereal tomorrow morning be soggy and your toast cold.