FourFortyEight wrote: 
I have hit the same wall.  For different reasons, but the end result is the same.  There is power in catharsis, putting your concerns into words.  With the journals, we had feedback from the many, with a counselor, you only get feedback from the one.  Been seeing mine for some six months now.  Since I've started, I also started journaling the old fashioned way, with paper and pen in a book.  It has helped, though not like it did with our journals that we had here.  Its not as easy to go back and reread, what was written, especially with my handwriting, but its better than nothing.

One universality we all have is that we become so involved in situations that they affect every waking moment.  Your caring for your Mom, my treatment for my cancer for example.  Then comes the point where the process is complete and you are suddenly at the now what ? phase as I have come to call it.  Your purpose or drive is left without a need or a reason.  For whatever reason.  A cycle is now complete.  There is a huge void to fill.  The limbo is tricky to negotiate.  You end up alone with yourself and your unresolved problems, regardless of whether you have someone in your life or not.  You can't put this on your partner or co workers.  This is where a non involved third party becomes a pathway towards re establishing yourself and finding ways to channel thoughts and energy and to drown out the thoughts in your mind that get louder and louder when you are alone wondering what to do next.

The focus of my sessions is devoted on establishing what is important to me, what are my priorities and what are my goals.  I already knew all this before I started, yet I hit the wall and as the wife put it, 'it looks like you are just sitting around waiting to die'.  There was a lot of truth in that remark as I was so consumed and overwhelmed with stuff that I had no control over that I was just basting in my own juices.

So make that call and find a counselor.  It took a while and lots of talking before mine went beyond helping me re establish my priorities and recommended that I get involved with a group, in my case Al Anon, to take things to a new level.  Nothing is ever easy, but it is an investment in yourself that in the long run, will pay dividends.

Depression is a bitch, went through it in the 90's and it took 5 years of Zoloft and a good counselor to pull my head out of my arse.  Depression is so powerful, that even with all the answers, they do not work, you need someone to give you a push.  Now 30 years later, I'm trying to get another push and will get past this too.

Hang tough, buddy.    pm if you like.

 

 FourFortyEight wrote: 
I understand, how I understand. Please do take care of yourself, even if you don't want to. Find a good counselor. Spend time with friends, and in nature. Try to exercise, even if it's just a walk around the block. Breathe. Find peace, wherever you can.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's tough, no matter how "prepared" we think we are. I'm also very sorry about your job. That sucks. I hope you can make a change. I was lucky in that respect.

Talk to us, even without the journals.

 FourFortyEight wrote: 
So sorry for your loss...Please take the time to grieve and do talk to someone about how you feel.

 oldviolin wrote: 
yep

and probably vice versa

explore another perspective

life experience is fertile soil

 ScottFromWyoming wrote: 

 FourFortyEight wrote: 
Time will help, but if you can find someone to talk to... it doesn't have to be so hard.

 FourFortyEight wrote: 
Yes you can. You can. And, you will. I know for sure. Someone else needs you.

 Manbird wrote: 
Sorry it's taken me so long to acknowledge this.  I hope you're well.  

Mom died 2 weeks ago.  I've been here with her for the last few years and this year we spent fighting her health.  In and out of the hospital, into rehab, back to the hospital, etc.  We lost.  No siblings.  Dad died in 1974.  There's no one else in my life.  I am unmarried, and I have no children at 45.  This doesn't feel like home anymore.  It feels like she took it with her.  It just feels like the house I was born in and really nothing more. I've never lost anyone before and this feels huge.  I'm so lost.  I have aches and pains everywhere since she died.  It scares me.  I don't know if it's depression or cancer.  I can't muster up enough strength or courage to go to a doctor.  My will to live has been waining for years.  This year I had a purpose.  Now, I don't.  

I hate my job and it makes me miserable.

I think I'm in deep trouble.

This post will be something that I've forgotten about and any replies will get lost in the thread because it will expire with the timeline.

The original journals were always there to go back to.  I sure wish they still were.  I may go scatterbrained through all this and I just don't have the energy to search back when I finally think about it.  

It may have been cheaper, less trouble and more efficient to have ditched them, but shit.  I feel like i knew I was going to need them when they were taken away.  And I would talk more if they were around.  Instead, I'm going to go to a counselor.  I have to.  
 
Life has never felt lonelier.

I had to stop posted when my back became so diseased I couldn't
sit in front of the computer - or even get downstairs to it. So I've
been using my ipad in bed which isn't prose friendly. It's a pain
just to acces RP on my ipad so I rarely post in the forums
these days. Mag brought my computer upstairs so I can use it
a few minutes at a time. Boosh-Wa!

I have twice found myself posting in other threads pieces of prose that should have been in the journals....*sigh*

 oldviolin wrote: 
In Soviet Union, It pop trying to say you.

 FourFortyEight wrote: 
Say it or pop trying...

"RP Journals
This is an archive-only section. No new journal posts are being accepted. "
 
Thanks for saving them, Bill. I mean, the old ones. I was going to say to just cut them loose, but this is better than that option.
 
(in the Beta popup player, clicking to go to the song's main page brings up the new beta site that hasn't rolled out yet. The type is tiny ) 

God, I miss the journals. It felt like home back where I was before I came here... you know.  Before now. Years ago in that place I lived in all alone, away from pretty much everyone.  I've been hooked on RP since 2004.  It was like a different side of RP and it was the place to cry for help, share something wonderful... anything.  You could revisit it.  So many souls have traveled through those journals.  Now and past.  You could refer to it when you thought of it and wanted to show a friend.. maybe remind yourself. Threads are so impersonal. Threads are rivers that flow fast sometimes... so much washes away.   It's so... perishable.  Journals are imprints of people's feelings.  They provoke after-thought many times, because they're easy to find and retort to after the fact.  There's a level of humanity in the format.  It's more "static".  

Finally, they were a choice.  They were a different tab.  They weren't intrusive.  The people that frequent this community didn't chime in to harm one another.  If one did engage, it was more hum felt.  It was therapy.

I'm probably rambling... 

I wish I knew how I could help resurrect them.  I have potential resources and a personal interest clearly.

And oh, God.  I have so much to say right now.  I feel like I'm going to burst.

Best, 

 n4ku wrote: 
I suppose so.

 Red_Dragon wrote: 
I assume if BillG wanted us to know more, he would tell us more.

 n4ku wrote: 
That gets me to the support page. I guess I was hoping for an actual informational update about the rate increase.

 n4ku wrote: 
Yes I saw that... and I even increased my contribution but I was curious as to what the impact was.  "Greatly Increased" says a lot, but I didn't know if there'd been any update to the open-letter that Bill sent.

 FourFortyEight wrote: 
Right under where it asks, "Like what you're hearing?" There is a box titled Royalty Rate Increase.

 Red_Dragon wrote: