Most people like to remain socially distanced from geoff_morphini which usually means a 2-3 State buffer. 

buddy's closest friend is a dead German WWII lazy-eyed sharpshooter nicknamed Oops.

GeneP59 just underwent ass-crack enhancement surgery.
 
There's no way he will settle for International Pumber's Butt Invitational runner-up again this year dammit!

SFW was tickled when he overheard some ladies commenting on his big bulge.
  
He was less thrilled when he found out they were talking about his protruding abdominal hernia.

And Veev racks in the bucks charging 5¢ for every match he sells a block away.
 

Most days you can find manbird standing outside the local elementary school handing out free cigarettes to the kiddos when school lets out.  

 Manbird wrote:

Is there any other way?

VV has to chalk his crack before every handapple.

If I only had a nickel every time a cop walked up to oldv to say: "Hey Aqualung, get off the bench and stop leering at the kids!"

buddy thinks “Amber alerts” are stupid because... how often do females named Amber get abducted anyhow?

geoff morphini has molten hot coco at his core   

SFW was miffed when he was charged extra to pierce his third nipple. 

manbird once had to miss two weeks of school due to an infected pee-hole which is ironic as that was also the name of his first band.

Ever one to buck the current tide, geoff_morphini is busy organizing an online Asian hate group.

Veev rolls over on his back and begs people to scratch his belly. Understand, Veev is a grown man. Eew!

 VV wrote:
 

too many words. not reading.  

geoff morphini has almost perfected his imitation of his high school science teacher Mr. Bagley... next stop, Hollywood!

SFW spends weekends alone sitting in abandoned cars crying and reflecting on where it all went wrong.

buddy wanders the world on a constant hunt to find a rabbit's foot keychain he lost in middle school.

Having been picked last for the gym class kickball team yet again, a young manbird ran crying into the arms of Mr. Johnson... the friendly and affable school custodian who he had adopted as a father figure when his real father died attempting to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.