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Tom Waits — Step Right Up
Album: Small Change
Avg rating:
6.5

Your rating:
Total ratings: 2736









Released: 1976
Length: 5:36
Plays (last 30 days): 0
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Step right up
Step right up
Step right up
everyone's a winner
bargains galore
that's right you too can be the proud owner of
the quality goes in before the name goes on

one tenth of a dollar
one tenth of a dollar
we got service after the sale

how 'bout perfume
we got perfume
how 'bout an engagement ring

somethin for the little lady
somethin for the little lady
somethin for the little lady

3 for a dollar

We got a year end clearance
we got our white sale on a smoke damaged furniture
you can drive it away today.

act now
act now

and receive as our gift
our gift to you
they come in all colors
one size fits all

no muss, no fuss, no spills
you tired of kitchen drudgery
everything must go

goin outta biz
goin outta biz
goin outta bizness sale

50% off original retail price
skip the middle man

don't settle for less
how do we do it
how do we do it
volume! volume!
turn up the volume!

you've heard it advertised

don't hesitate

don't be caught with your drawers down
don't be caught with your drawers down

you just step right up
step right up

that's right it fillets
it chops, it dices, it slices
it never stops
lasts a lifetime, it mows your lawn

and it mows your lawn
it picks up the kids from school
it gets rid of unwanted facial hair
it gets rid of embarassing age spots
it delivers the pizza

and it lengthens
and it strengthens
and it finds that slipper that's be at large under the
chaise lounge for several weeks

and it plays a mean rhythm master
it makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
and it's only a dollar
step right up
it's only a dollar
step right up

'cause it forges your signature
if not completely satisfied
mail back unused portion of product for a complete refund of price of purchase

step right up

please allow thirty days for delivery
don't be fooled by cheap imitations

you can
live in it

live in it
laugh in it
love in it
swim in it
sleep in it
live in it
swim in it
laugh in it
love in it

and it removes embarassing stains from contour sheets
that's right

and it entertains visiting relatives
it turns a sandwich into a banquet

tired of being the life of the party
change your shorts
change your life

change your life
change into a 9 year old hindu boy
get rid of your wife

and it walks your dog
and it doubles on sax
doubles on sax
you can jump back jack
see ya later alligator
see ya later alligator
and it steals your car

it gets rid of your gambling debts
it quits smoking
it's a friend, it's a companion
it's the only product you will ever need

follow these easy assembly instructions
it never needs ironing

well it takes weights off hips
bust
thighs
chin
midriff
gives you dandruff

and it finds you a job
it is a job

and it strips the phone company
of free tapes and your while exchange

and it gives you denture breath
and you know it's a friend
and it's a companion

and it gets rid of your travellers checks
it's new, it's improved, it's old fashioned

well it takes care of business
never needs winding
never needs winding
never needs winding

gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, and psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak buddy
c'mon, c'mon.
c'mon, c'mon.

cause it's effective
it's defective

it creates household odors
it disinfects
it's sanitized for your protection
it gives you an erection
it wins the election

why put up with painful corns any longer
it's a redeemable coupon
no obligation
no salesman will visit your home

we got a jackpot
jackpot
jackpot
prizes! Prizes! Prizes!
All work guaranteed

how do we do it?
how do we do it?
how do we do it?
how do we do it?
we need your bidness

We're going out of business
we'll give you the business
get on the business end of our
going out of business sale

Receive our free brochure
free brochure

read the easy to follow assembly instructions
batteries not included

send before midnight tomorrow
terms available
step right up
step right up
step right up

you got it buddy
the large print giveth
and the small print taketh away

step right up
you can step right up
cause you can step right up
c'mon step right up

get away from me kid, ya bother me

step right up
step right up
step right up

c'mon c'mon c'mon
c'mon c'mon
step right up
you can step right up
c'mon and step right up
c'mon step right up
Comments (675)add comment


It gives you an erection. 
It wins the election.

And if that is not enough,
you can change into a 9-year-old Hindu boy.
Posted 5 years ago by ThePoose    [ Reply ]
Pass right by ... pass right by .. PSD ... PSD ...
Posted 5 years ago by mbolch30307    [ Reply ]
Hey...the piano hasn't been drinking.   It tooted a few lines!
Posted 5 years ago by idiot_wind    [ Reply ]
 m_logie wrote:

Unkar Plutt
 
Pretty sure they were asking about Watto
Posted 5 years ago by zinzarin    [ Reply ]
 ravnur wrote:
Sounds like Fred Sanford with Tourette Syndrome. All that's missing is "Lamont, you big dummy!"
 
All that's missing is Fred trying to sell the Whopper Chopper!
Posted 5 years ago by scraig    [ Reply ]
I have a lot of respect, and usually like, Tom Waits...
... but this doesn't do it for me.  2
Posted 5 years ago by stretcher    [ Reply ]
 Utopia_Bold wrote:
Who ever told Tom Waits he could sing?
 
I think his voice is a perfect complement to his music and his lyrics.
Posted 5 years ago by unclehud    [ Reply ]
Tom Waits does rap!
Posted 5 years ago by unclehud    [ Reply ]
You need to drop a tab about an hour or two before you listen to this.
Posted 5 years ago by tcseeley    [ Reply ]
Sounds like Fred Sanford with Tourette Syndrome. All that's missing is "Lamont, you big dummy!"
Posted 5 years ago by ravnur    [ Reply ]
 Hannio wrote:
This makes me think of that Star Wars character that was the junk yard dealer.  What was his name?
 
Unkar Plutt
Posted 5 years ago by m_logie    [ Reply ]
 westslope wrote:

You know, at this juncture, Bill might be open to the idea.  US$10,000 should seal it.
 
Let's hope not.
Priceless at any cost!
Posted 5 years ago by Canadese    [ Reply ]
Must be a bitch to sing live.
Posted 6 years ago by Laptopdog    [ Reply ]
Love this song, almost as much as Pasties and G String!
Posted 6 years ago by admascott    [ Reply ]
It delivers a pizza and it lengthens and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar step right up it's only a dollar step right up
Posted 6 years ago by Phlegmaticman    [ Reply ]
 mdfergy wrote:
... I would actually pay Bill to quit playing this monstrosity of "music" ..
 
You know, at this juncture, Bill might be open to the idea.  US$10,000 should seal it.
Posted 6 years ago by westslope    [ Reply ]
Depending on my mood, I can either really get in the groove - or want to blow my brains out.  Don't own a gun, so will just have to groove. {#Cool}
Posted 6 years ago by epiclectic    [ Reply ]
Please stop playing this song, specially when PSD is not working
Posted 6 years ago by JPBrunot    [ Reply ]

Well said!

 Typesbad wrote:

I'm betting this has the longest lyric scroll of any song on RP.   
Like so many forms of art, often the easier it is to hate, the more rewarding it is to love.
 

Posted 6 years ago by stevieslo    [ Reply ]
LOVE IT reminds me of George Carlin. Who influnced who?
Posted 6 years ago by TRC    [ Reply ]
I'm betting this has the longest lyric scroll of any song on RP.   
Like so many forms of art, often the easier it is to hate, the more rewarding it is to love.
Posted 6 years ago by Typesbad    [ Reply ]
 mdfergy wrote:
**SKIP** !! Not only is this song horrific, but it's also way too long... I would actually pay Bill to quit playing this monstrosity of "music" ..
 
And on the other end of the scale, this song always cracks me the hell up! Love it! 
Posted 6 years ago by smackiepipe    [ Reply ]
 mdfergy wrote:
**SKIP** !! Not only is this song horrific, but it's also way too long... I would actually pay Bill to quit playing this monstrosity of "music" ..
 
use friendly PSD button instead 

I rather enjoy this gem {#Jump}
Posted 6 years ago by ShamanManu    [ Reply ]
Nobody ever accuses Tom Waits of copying somebody else.
Posted 6 years ago by steviedeant    [ Reply ]
Judging from the Total Rating Chart above there are higher points towards each end — which indicates few are neutral about his music. ...Reinforcing the idea that this is not mediocre art.

Tom Waits is a true "recording artist" who incorporates literature, advertising, cinematic sound, jazz, blues, rock, poetry, history, and humor. Not only is it experimental, it's referencing urban, suburban and rural culture and society from a vantage point that few are capable of.
Posted 6 years ago by Milano    [ Reply ]
**SKIP** !! Not only is this song horrific, but it's also way too long... I would actually pay Bill to quit playing this monstrosity of "music" ..
Posted 6 years ago by mdfergy    [ Reply ]
The female on the album cover looks like she would be a fun date.
Posted 6 years ago by jbuhl    [ Reply ]
"It finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge . . . "
Never fails to get a laugh out of me. Brilliant wordplay throughout.
Posted 6 years ago by nagsheadlocal    [ Reply ]
I HATE this song!
Posted 6 years ago by pigtail    [ Reply ]
 Proclivities wrote:
A classic - loved by reclining women the world over:
voice 

 
{#Hearteyes}
Posted 6 years ago by hayduke2    [ Reply ]
One of the coolest, baddest, wildest songs from one of the most gifted twisted creative musical artists ever to growl into a microphone!
Posted 6 years ago by coloradojohn    [ Reply ]
 Utopia_Bold wrote:
Who ever told Tom Waits he could sing?

 
Who ever told you that you had a remote clue about music? 


Posted 6 years ago by ice-9    [ Reply ]
Who ever told Tom Waits he could sing?
Posted 6 years ago by Utopia_Bold    [ Reply ]
 ckcotton wrote:
I like all sorts of music (except Top 40 garbage and Tori Amos)... Tom Waits is incredibly hard to enjoy....
 
Too bad for you.
Posted 6 years ago by On_The_Beach    [ Reply ]
 On_The_Beach wrote:
Tom's music is not for those that like everything safe, simple and predictable (ie boring), like Top 40 radio.
That's why I come here; to listen to excellent music like Tom Waits.

 
I like all sorts of music (except Top 40 garbage and Tori Amos)... Tom Waits is incredibly hard to enjoy....
Posted 6 years ago by ckcotton    [ Reply ]
About 5:35 too long..... painful
Posted 6 years ago by ckcotton    [ Reply ]
 idiot_wind wrote:
I wish I could walk like this song sounds...
  "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder!"
Posted 6 years ago by cc_rider    [ Reply ]
Never needs winding.
Posted 7 years ago by Grammarcop    [ Reply ]
This will get you going on a Friday morning! I hope the rest of my day looks like how this song sounds. 
Posted 7 years ago by idiot_wind    [ Reply ]
 LPCity wrote:
Root Boy Slim should have covered this (and maybe he did).  I doubt he could have remembered the lyrics but he would have KILLED the delivery.

 
Another Root Boy fan! 

I have a photo from a Baltimore concert of Root Boy passed out on the stage in a puddle of beer. One wild show for sure!
Posted 7 years ago by nagsheadlocal    [ Reply ]
7 >> 8

Just because I like it, & to offset the negators a little.
 
Posted 7 years ago by ODAD    [ Reply ]
 sfearll wrote:
no where else but Radio Paradise! 

 
There's a good reason for that {#Undecided}
Posted 7 years ago by morefigs    [ Reply ]
if ever we needed a rating of 11...  thanks for playing this, Bill... no where else but Radio Paradise! 
Posted 7 years ago by sfearll    [ Reply ]
 hayduke2 wrote:
godlike rapping with a little "get away from me kid ya bother me..." at the end  : )   love this moo-cho

 
Agreed.  Somehow, I should hate this so much, but I love it .....
Posted 7 years ago by DaidyBoy    [ Reply ]
Root Boy Slim should have covered this (and maybe he did).  I doubt he could have remembered the lyrics but he would have KILLED the delivery.
Posted 7 years ago by LPCity    [ Reply ]
I think I figured the bassline out
Posted 7 years ago by vanillagorilla    [ Reply ]
PLEASE QUIT PLAYING THIS SONG. I'M BEGGING YOU.
Posted 7 years ago by mdfergy    [ Reply ]
Bill keeps playing it because he knows it's good, despite the incessant whining of the haters.
Posted 7 years ago by On_The_Beach    [ Reply ]
I wish I could walk like this song sounds...
Posted 7 years ago by idiot_wind    [ Reply ]
Not even artsy-jazzy...just shyte.
Posted 7 years ago by BCarn    [ Reply ]

Dig!

{#Dancingbanana}
Posted 7 years ago by maryte    [ Reply ]
 hayduke2 wrote:
godlike rapping with a little "get away from me kid ya bother me..." at the end  : )   love this moo-cho

 
A rap-like compilation of just about every ad slogan we've heard. With "doubles on sax" thrown in for good measure!
Posted 7 years ago by NickDanger    [ Reply ]
Bill - PLEASE stop playing this piece-of-crap song.... I'm begging you...
Posted 7 years ago by mdfergy    [ Reply ]
This song always puts a smile on my face!  {#Roflol}
Posted 7 years ago by slikr    [ Reply ]
Better say that you ain't get it instead that you don't like it, it makes you more cool
Posted 7 years ago by Panchoalico    [ Reply ]
Heard it once - that's enough for one life time
Posted 7 years ago by Gerry941    [ Reply ]
Funny, I don't know how to rate this song.  It's kind of a love/hate relationship.  If I'm in the mood for Tom Waits, I really like it.  Otherwise not so much.
Posted 7 years ago by drictor    [ Reply ]
godlike rapping with a little "get away from me kid ya bother me..." at the end  : )   love this moo-cho
Posted 7 years ago by hayduke2    [ Reply ]
Tom's music is not for those that like everything safe, simple and predictable (ie boring), like Top 40 radio.
That's why I come here; to listen to excellent music like Tom Waits.
Posted 7 years ago by On_The_Beach    [ Reply ]
Absolutely the worst song played on RP.. total trash...
 
Posted 7 years ago by mdfergy    [ Reply ]
trash  may as well listen to a 'go see cal' commercial  
Posted 7 years ago by 1wolfy    [ Reply ]

                      embarrassing ~

 
Posted 7 years ago by sfyi2001    [ Reply ]
"A new theme song for the Donald?"
Beat me to it!
Posted 7 years ago by jcyr    [ Reply ]
A new theme song for the Donald?
Posted 7 years ago by kenrundel    [ Reply ]
From suckobarfo to pretty good, this side of Trumpland. Took 4 decades for his gravel to not grate.
Posted 7 years ago by Segue    [ Reply ]
This song kills me. 
Every time I hear it I have to stop and take it in.
It's just too damned accurate.
Posted 8 years ago by bc    [ Reply ]
 Kaisersosay wrote:
 
2 day delivery is so last year,,,,if its not on my desk by days end, its just not worth buying.  

 
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned...
Posted 8 years ago by Proclivities    [ Reply ]
Composed during his days at Walmart!
Posted 8 years ago by mgkiwi    [ Reply ]
Gawd.... There is no amount crap tall enough to equal this work. To say I hate it is far too kind. It makes me sad and WILLFULLY want to listen to C&W top 40.

So.

There it is.
{#Frustrated}{#Beat}
Posted 8 years ago by Roguewarer    [ Reply ]
 Hannio wrote:

No, I'm thinking of Watto in Episode 1.



 
Haha yeah...Tom "Watto" Waits.

I swear they both sound like an old French guy who ran a little store when I was a kid. Named Naif, an old school grouch but not bad with the kids if you didn't mess around too long in his store. Sometimes he'd run us outta there..haha. We all missed him when he died, and I still bought beer & cigs there for years after.
Posted 8 years ago by LowPhreak    [ Reply ]
 nickshortie wrote:
One thing's for sure:

You'll never find a Tom Waits song in a Karaoke machine... {#Naughty}

{#Smile}

 
I just stopped everything I was doing to see the lyrics on RP  and saw your comment. Good laugh :{#Lol} 
I live in the country of Karaoke fervent fans. While reading, I suddenly had this image of my Chinese friends, -and believe me, they are good at singing, not just plain boring pop- trying to catch up with Tom Waits lyrics. Made my day! 
Posted 8 years ago by ambrebalte    [ Reply ]
One thing's for sure:

You'll never find a Tom Waits song in a Karaoke machine... {#Naughty}

{#Smile}
Posted 8 years ago by nickshortie    [ Reply ]
 tfioreze wrote:
I assume you are talking about Unkar Plutt...

Hannio wrote:
This makes me think of that Star Wars character that was the junk yard dealer.  What was his name?

 

 

No, I'm thinking of Watto in Episode 1.


Posted 8 years ago by Hannio    [ Reply ]
I assume you are talking about Unkar Plutt...

Hannio wrote:
This makes me think of that Star Wars character that was the junk yard dealer.  What was his name?

 


Posted 8 years ago by tfioreze    [ Reply ]
He sings like as if he would be possessed by the devil… {#Devil_pimp}
Posted 8 years ago by tfioreze    [ Reply ]
This makes me think of that Star Wars character that was the junk yard dealer.  What was his name?
Posted 8 years ago by Hannio    [ Reply ]
PLEASE take this "song" off your playlist.
Posted 8 years ago by Randy1    [ Reply ]
It goes on and on and on... Switching to the review channel!
Posted 8 years ago by DavidStrand    [ Reply ]
 Artemis_Crow wrote:

I completely agree. It's very stressful to listen to. This is what the PSD button was made for.

 
it should fall into a category that is something other than 'music. I hate it
Posted 8 years ago by Tony0600    [ Reply ]
This song blows!!! not music, street bable.
Posted 8 years ago by Randy1    [ Reply ]
The greatest!!!
Posted 8 years ago by rocklandlove    [ Reply ]
Waits is a brilliant street poet. His singing is an acquired taste, but the poetry is sharp and insightful. Not Singalongatom though, for sure.
Posted 8 years ago by fredriley    [ Reply ]
 daigoro wrote:
Allow 30 days for delivery. Wouldn't cut it today. Funny how we all survived waiting for our crap to arrive in the mail before 2-Day delivery became the norm.

  
2 day delivery is so last year,,,,if its not on my desk by days end, its just not worth buying.  
Posted 8 years ago by Kaisersosay    [ Reply ]
 mdfergy wrote:
I find this song to be torturous ... please stop .... solid 1

 
I completely agree. It's very stressful to listen to. This is what the PSD button was made for.
Posted 8 years ago by Artemis_Crow    [ Reply ]
Allow 30 days for delivery. Wouldn't cut it today. Funny how we all survived waiting for our crap to arrive in the mail before 2-Day delivery became the norm.
Posted 8 years ago by daigoro    [ Reply ]
I find this song to be torturous ... please stop .... solid 1
Posted 8 years ago by mdfergy    [ Reply ]
"The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away." Pure genius!!
Posted 8 years ago by rocklandlove    [ Reply ]
Tom Waits could sell me a sore throat.
Posted 8 years ago by themusicroob    [ Reply ]
Have'nt heard this since the 80:s
Love ihe Sax and the base 
Posted 8 years ago by The_Ant    [ Reply ]
yes!  Tom Waits is Honey for the Ears.
Posted 8 years ago by j1sey    [ Reply ]
magic :)
Posted 8 years ago by ico    [ Reply ]
Has the piano been drinking again? 
Posted 8 years ago by idiot_wind    [ Reply ]
 +1

pigtail wrote:
UGH!

 


Posted 8 years ago by kgage    [ Reply ]
Now, I can buy this rap. Two for a dollar!
Love it, one of his best. 9
Posted 8 years ago by jimtyrrell    [ Reply ]
I'm lovin' it, laughin' it, livin' it!
Posted 8 years ago by Dave_Mack    [ Reply ]
UGH!
Posted 8 years ago by pigtail    [ Reply ]
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ac/94/b2/ac94b2584ee41c9feecb007dcb67abfd.jpg
That Tom is one cool, er, Tomcat.
Posted 8 years ago by On_The_Beach    [ Reply ]
 kcar wrote:

There are whole sections that alternate as my favorite bits...

and it removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
that's right
and it entertains visiting relatives
it turns a sandwich into a banquet
tired of being the life of the party
change your shorts
change your life
change your life
change into a 9 year old hindu boy
Serious genius. Not for everyone, but what is. Again, as I have noted before: the scantily clad chick on the album cover is Cassandra Peterson (aka Elvira, Mistres of the Dark) in her salad days. Wikipedia has this odd tidbit: "However, this story is apparently unverified as Peterson has since described it as "a giant mystery", claiming that while she has no memory of the event, the picture looks enough like her that she feels "pretty sure" that it is."

This is Cassandra, apparently at age 59. Did she buy the stuff that Tom is shilling?

Cassandra Peterson, model on cover of
 
Please, Rabbi_Phil, no stalking. 

 
love this song! love this perky feline smile too, thanks kcar : )
Posted 8 years ago by hayduke2    [ Reply ]
most of the time, RP is playing in the background, providing a catchy musical white noise generator.  Every once in a while, that background zooms into the foreground.  This is not a song easily ignored.  kinda makes me chair shuffle.  getting too old and decrepit to elevate what I'm doing to the realm of chair dancing...... 
Posted 8 years ago by nook    [ Reply ]
Hard to pick a favourite Tom Waits song...but this is definitely in MY top 10! Just Love everything about this one - and have for 27 years now!
Posted 8 years ago by tuttle99    [ Reply ]
It forges your signature!

Magical tune. {#Bananajam}
Posted 8 years ago by floydoftherocks    [ Reply ]
     Does it take a Zen art or an Art on how a whizzkid maytain
          A werewolf biz all without my oh oh  London fly shoes
                Keep a pair of skidbuster for hoochie's sake
        Because soon comes 3 for a dollar and wannabee cub
        Making  a debut right outta this salvation army sell-out.
           Every one  knows it's a grunge yet mums the word
      Now new mail order takes care of the winter and ends the 100
                  Years war betwixt No Man's Land
           Cuz mom says it's a snow and some Eskimos
           Just loves  to buy some more wintage postcards.
Posted 8 years ago by twoplain2sea    [ Reply ]
 Athyrius wrote:
218 '1' votes and counting.  Finally something we can agree on.

 
gives you an erection that wins the election, eh?
Posted 8 years ago by oldsaxon    [ Reply ]
The piano has been drinking....not him.
Posted 8 years ago by idiot_wind    [ Reply ]
 skyguy wrote:

never could stand that dog....

 
all chimney-red and halloween-orange...
Posted 9 years ago by apd    [ Reply ]
Brilliant song ... nothing changed over the years in advertising ... "makes excuses for unwanted stains in your collar" {#Bananapiano} 
Posted 9 years ago by Zeekei    [ Reply ]
I think this song is brilliant! It's about the preponderance of advertising and commercialism on our psyche.  Kind of like, sign sign everywhere a sign...
Posted 9 years ago by WannabeBanned    [ Reply ]
 colt4x5 wrote:

"Frank's Wild Years" is a work of art.
 

 
never could stand that dog....
Posted 9 years ago by skyguy    [ Reply ]
 coloradojohn wrote:
Man, if you GET IT, there is nothing like Tom Waits... And, for a long time, I just didn't get it. Then, I heard this, and Frank's Wild Years! 

 
"Frank's Wild Years" is a work of art.
 
Posted 9 years ago by colt4x5    [ Reply ]
218 '1' votes and counting.  Finally something we can agree on.
Posted 9 years ago by Athyrius    [ Reply ]
Old school commercialism sounds cool when Tom Waits is the pitchman, compared to the high-def hard sell we're subjected to today.
Posted 9 years ago by wgsu_1978    [ Reply ]
If you don't get this -you just ain't cool
Posted 9 years ago by Dog_Ear    [ Reply ]
Very snappy.  Great lyrics.
Posted 9 years ago by FatPants    [ Reply ]
Hilarious 
Posted 9 years ago by Falcon    [ Reply ]

LOVE this song, or more concisely, rap by Tom.


Posted 9 years ago by countyman    [ Reply ]
Gotta laugh every time I hear this - genius!
Posted 9 years ago by hanssachs    [ Reply ]
Charlie Parker to THIS.  LIke falling from heaven to hell.  
Posted 9 years ago by AbileneTexas    [ Reply ]
gif of crazy kid:
Posted 9 years ago by kcar    [ Reply ]
Man, if you GET IT, there is nothing like Tom Waits... And, for a long time, I just didn't get it. Then, I heard this, and Frank's Wild Years! 
Posted 9 years ago by coloradojohn    [ Reply ]