Two blondes walk into a bar, and each orders a
drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, "51 days!
51 days!!" About five minutes later, another blonde walks in, orders a
drink, and joins the other two in the cheering. Finally, a fourth blonde
walks in with what looks like a cardboard picture. She puts the picture
thing in the middle of the table and starts cheering with the others,
"51 days! 51 days!!"
The bartender starts to get really curious, so he
walks over to discover that the picture is a Cookie Monster puzzle. He
walks over to one of the blondes and asks, "What on earth are you
doing?" "Well," the blonde says, "everyone thinks blondes are so
stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4
years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!"

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”

Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.

“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”

Two old Jews are sitting on a park bench.

One says: “Nu, how are things?”

The other says: “Better than next year!”

 

https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/12/31/it-could-always-be-worse/

Not even to be political, this is almost more jaw dropping than funny.  Can you say doppleganger?

When Satan Met 2020

 sirdroseph wrote:
 

Stealing that for the church people I know...

 Proclivities wrote:
 
I just saw this... Shut up and Mourn?  I nearly shat myself!

 rhahl wrote:
 

I like the notation from the Paley Center: "Bob Einstein (Marty Funkhouser) tells an offensive sexual joke."

 miamizsun wrote: 

i've thought about it and decided that i want to laugh

i dare you to make me lol for real

 sirdroseph wrote:
 


I'm guessing that wealth is heavily skewed towards the guy with the hat.  Regardless, what are they guilty of?