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As for making the kids sleep alone... I never managed to pull that off.
With No. 1 I invariably lay beside him to read a bedtime story and fell asleep before him.
With No. 2 my wife does it.
Never really was a big fan of making kids cry and I found they do actually move to their own beds when the time comes (yes, I know... )
Back home all the Polynesian kids just slept in whichever bedroom they wanted. Tbh that actually does feel way more natural.
My wife always slept in bed with her parents, guess thats how they do it in that part of China.
I think the fact that they have extremely firm beds helps avoid SIDS. Also the parents of the mom stay over for a month to help with everything.
I'm so grateful for the hours of sleep my MIL is saving for us right now
As for making the kids sleep alone... I never managed to pull that off.
With No. 1 I invariably lay beside him to read a bedtime story and fell asleep before him.
With No. 2 my wife does it.
Never really was a big fan of making kids cry and I found they do actually move to their own beds when the time comes (yes, I know... )
Back home all the Polynesian kids just slept in whichever bedroom they wanted. Tbh that actually does feel way more natural.
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Mar 17, 2026 - 6:19am
rodrigosth wrote:
It's absolutely overwhelming, the amount of information we are getting to take care of the little one.
Me and my wife are from different cultures, so it's been an absolute trip to try to follow "professional and expert" advice.
At least until he is 3 months she refuses to let him cry it out. It ends up being hunger or gas in the end. These few times we were at our wits end, it got solved by a toot or a new coat of paint in the diaper.
But very recently he has been trying to fight the sleep and "talk" with us.
And - no matter what path you choose - you will be wrong and regret it for the rest of your life. That's parenting, sorry.
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Mar 17, 2026 - 6:18am
KurtfromLaQuinta wrote:
Crying at night is one thing.
Crying right when you first put them down is another.
Our daughter, when she was maybe 18 months old, would wake us in the middle of the night standing up in her crib just jabbering away at the shadows on her window screen.
We just let her go on. We'd listen beside the door and snicker. Eventually she conked out.
My youngest, when older, had horrible night terrors. Frightening to see for us, and certainly worse for him.
Crying at night is one thing.
Crying right when you first put them down is another.
Our daughter, when she was maybe 18 months old, would wake us in the middle of the night standing up in her crib just jabbering away at the shadows on her window screen.
We just let her go on. We'd listen beside the door and snicker. Eventually she conked out.
Oh he is already a BIG fan of windows and mirrors, he especialy likes to stare at the trees because of the contrast.
Also anything that has a pattern is mesmerizing.
It's absolutely overwhelming, the amount of information we are getting to take care of the little one.
Me and my wife are from different cultures, so it's been an absolute trip to try to follow "professional and expert" advice.
At least until he is 3 months she refuses to let him cry it out. It ends up being hunger or gas in the end. These few times we were at our wits end, it got solved by a toot or a new coat of paint in the diaper.
But very recently he has been trying to fight the sleep and "talk" with us.
Crying at night is one thing.
Crying right when you first put them down is another.
Our daughter, when she was maybe 18 months old, would wake us in the middle of the night standing up in her crib just jabbering away at the shadows on her window screen.
We just let her go on. We'd listen beside the door and snicker. Eventually she conked out.
Location: Really deep in the heart of South California Gender:
Posted:
Mar 16, 2026 - 9:36pm
Crying at night is one thing.
Crying right when you first put them down is another.
Our daughter, when she was maybe 18 months old, would wake us in the middle of the night standing up in her crib just jabbering away at the shadows on her window screen.
We just let her go on. We'd listen beside the door and snicker. Eventually she conked out.
Background noise is a great idea! Baby needs to be able to fall asleep in less-than-silent environments. Audiobooks, podcasts, or old disney movies work great, as there isn't a ton of sudden loudness or obnoxiousness that could startle baby.
Crying it out is absolutely a no-go. So harmful for baby's emotional development, and can increase SIDS risk. The Ferber method can be okay with modification, but you should ALWAYS check on a crying baby. Remember that babies don't wake up at night or cry for no reason. I constantly hear people say that not sleep training a baby is "spoiling" them, but please remember that they're a BABY. You can't spoil a baby. They cry because they have no other way to communicate with you. They wake up at night because that's the only way their brain can keep them alive sometimes (because babies can die of basically everything).
My best advice (for after the baby is 6 months old or fully rolling over independently — don't try to sleep train before this!!):
1. get the baby sleepy and well-fed, and lay them in their crib right before they fall asleep. Stay there with them with a hand on their belly (so they can feel you nearby) until they fall asleep. If they cry, go back in and soothe them, laying them in the crib BEFORE they fall asleep. Let them get used to being in the crib awake. After a few nights, repeat this, except without the hand on their belly. Let them hear your voice and feel you in the room, but fall asleep in the crib. After a few more nights, put baby down and back away from the crib. A few more nights, put baby down and leave the room. Don't rush these phases, or move on to the next one until baby is fully comfortable in the current one. Eventually, you should be able to put baby down, say goodnight, and leave them to fall asleep on their own. After this process, baby will only wake you up in the middle of the night crying if they need you! If they wake up all on their own, they'll be able to fall back asleep.
2. ABSOLUTELY ALWAYS follow the ABC's of safe sleep when putting baby to bed. Alone, meaning no toys, blankets, crib bumpers, loose sheets, hats, anything in bed with them, on their Back (and in a swaddle, until they learn to roll over 100% independently OR hit 6mo old! Swaddles prevent them from accidentally rolling onto their face and suffocating before they're old enough to roll themselves back over), and in a Crib. Baby should never sleep with anyone in an adult bed. Contact naps on top of a bed or couch are okay, as long as someone else is nearby and awake. Following these simple rules eliminate sooo many SIDS risk factors, and help baby become a healthy and independent sleeper without putting them or their parents through hell.
Sorry if that was way more advice than you asked for haha. I used to nanny and getting kids to fall asleep and stay asleep was my superpower. Congrats on baby, and I hope you and your family find the best solution!
Location: Really deep in the heart of South California Gender:
Posted:
Mar 16, 2026 - 5:01pm
ScottFromWyoming wrote:
Sleeping well is very very important but that's the reason he needs to learn to sleep without holding you hostage. It's super easy to take the path of least resistance and just stay there and tiptoe out when he's finally down (I myself spent some quality time asleep on her hardwood floor because that was the only way she'd sleep... I'd sneak out and she'd scream her li'l head off until I went back in).
Order yourself that Ferber book from the library and give it a quick read. He gives you tools and prepares you for the coming storm... which will probably only last a week if there's NO CAVING IN. But for that week, everyone will cry and shout. I guarantee it.
Yes.
We stuck to the "tough love" a lot. It wasn't easy for sure... but it works. It really helps them figure out how to become independent.
We'd tell them it's time for bed. The crying would start. Come back in one more time and say "It's time for bed". They would finally grasp what was going on.
Debbie has been a Head Start teacher for quite a few years. Retired recently. But they didn't want her to quit. She came back as a "teaching coach".
While teaching, Head Start teachers are supposed to "guide" the parents. Debbie was always on the parents... like when the kids would come in dragging like zombies all day long. She'd ask the parents "What time did your child go to bed?" Their answer was usually "Oh. He/ she didn't want to go to bed so it was around 10- 10:30". Debbie said "that doesn't work." "Well he just fights us all the time." Debbie's line was always... "Who's the parent here?"
Don't get her started on Cheetos Flamin' Hot Cheese Puffs.
Our experience with the Ferber was much more negative. Hours and hours of a crying boy while we tried to reassure ourselves we were doing the right thing. Went on for weeks, IIRC (30+ years ago, but I bet both sides of the scenario have lasting wounds).
Hard to give my two thumbs up. You always wonder what the other life wouldâve looked like.
Yoiks! We had a long rough go with AFW but CFW had an easier time because they were in the same room. Now that I think of it, that only put the dependency onto each other, not me. Hmm.
But AFW did pretty well with Ferber after a week or two but she did usually want some sounds going on. Me reading, quiet music, rain sounds. But that came later, it was the 6â12 months zone somewhere where we had to Ferberize her because I was not enjoying those hardwood floors and I thought moving a softer surface in there (dog bed) was just conceding defeat. :shrug:
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Mar 16, 2026 - 11:55am
rodrigosth wrote:
Hello RP forum,
New father here, our little one can be quite a handful sometimes and once in a while it's nice to have something for noise in the background while trying to burp him or put him to sleep.
Got any suggestion? I'm mostly to curious to hear opinions on this.
My boy did something I didnât expect. He listened to my mention of Raymond Scottâs âSounds for Soothing Babyâ and actually played them while sleep training his boy. And, maybe despite that, heâs a fantastic grandchild. https://music.apple.com/us/alb...
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Mar 16, 2026 - 11:51am
SeriousLee wrote:
Our first child (girl) would always cry after we put her to bed. We tried 'not caving in' and she would cry mercilessly for a long time and we just *had* to go back in. And then we discovered that we only had to go back in once and that was all. So we would let her cry for a few minutes, go in to comfort her, leave and no more crying. Don't recall how long that lasted, but eventually she stopped crying after being put to bed. But I agree with NO CAVING IN. Just didn't work with our first child.
Our experience with the Ferber was much more negative. Hours and hours of a crying boy while we tried to reassure ourselves we were doing the right thing. Went on for weeks, IIRC (30+ years ago, but I bet both sides of the scenario have lasting wounds).
Hard to give my two thumbs up. You always wonder what the other life wouldâve looked like.
Sleeping well is very very important but that's the reason he needs to learn to sleep without holding you hostage. It's super easy to take the path of least resistance and just stay there and tiptoe out when he's finally down (I myself spent some quality time asleep on her hardwood floor because that was the only way she'd sleep... I'd sneak out and she'd scream her li'l head off until I went back in).
Order yourself that Ferber book from the library and give it a quick read. He gives you tools and prepares you for the coming storm... which will probably only last a week if there's NO CAVING IN. But for that week, everyone will cry and shout. I guarantee it.
That there is sage advice.
Don't overdo the quiet. Talk in the other room, walk down the halls... teach them ignore or sleep through a bit of noise, and accept that when it's time to sleep... get to it. That can literally save you years of stress.
Sleeping well is very very important but that's the reason he needs to learn to sleep without holding you hostage. It's super easy to take the path of least resistance and just stay there and tiptoe out when he's finally down (I myself spent some quality time asleep on her hardwood floor because that was the only way she'd sleep... I'd sneak out and she'd scream her li'l head off until I went back in).
Order yourself that Ferber book from the library and give it a quick read. He gives you tools and prepares you for the coming storm... which will probably only last a week if there's NO CAVING IN. But for that week, everyone will cry and shout. I guarantee it.
Our first child (girl) would always cry after we put her to bed. We tried 'not caving in' and she would cry mercilessly for a long time and we just *had* to go back in. And then we discovered that we only had to go back in once and that was all. So we would let her cry for a few minutes, go in to comfort her, leave and no more crying. Don't recall how long that lasted, but eventually she stopped crying after being put to bed. But I agree with NO CAVING IN. Just didn't work with our first child.
Thanks guys, I guess I'll manage with a few podcasts in headphones.
Our little guy has become very talkative lately and sleeps well when he feels we are close to him.
Sleeping well is very very important but that's the reason he needs to learn to sleep without holding you hostage. It's super easy to take the path of least resistance and just stay there and tiptoe out when he's finally down (I myself spent some quality time asleep on her hardwood floor because that was the only way she'd sleep... I'd sneak out and she'd scream her li'l head off until I went back in).
Order yourself that Ferber book from the library and give it a quick read. He gives you tools and prepares you for the coming storm... which will probably only last a week if there's NO CAVING IN. But for that week, everyone will cry and shout. I guarantee it.
