Location: Really deep in the heart of South California Gender:
Posted:
Sep 15, 2025 - 9:22pm
GeneP59 wrote:
I too know the feeling of being alone. I spent part of my adult life taking care of my parents, about 20+ of my prime working years. Itâs been 10 years next month since my mom passed. I canât find a job to save my life because of being a caregiver for all those years even after getting a micro masters during covid. No current designs and software to show for those lost years and being of the age when I should be retiring. Iâm too old for many companies even though I know my stuff.
Iâm still waiting for the Probate Courts decision on the papers Iâve filed multiple times this year for them to deed the house in my name officially. Thatâs one thing that mom could have helped me with so I didnât have to sweat this out over the years. She just kept procrastinated until she wasnât fit to file the paperwork. And with no job or income by the time itâs mine i will probably lose the house for back taxes when I can no longer pay it. And now my healthcare is in doubt, as well as my SNAP and home oil assistance.
All I do is repairs on the house from year of neglect during warm weather seasons and try to do online classes during the winter months. No money so I have to do the repairs myself as long as my body olds up.
Saturday I smelt something dead somewhere around the outside of the house. Found one of my wild cotton tail yearlings I named niblets in my basement window well. Made me sad and mad. Had to be the black cat Iâve seen around lately.
And like you, my mind wonders thinking of what do I have to show for myself in my lifespan. Thats a very slippery path to walk down. Just as I shouldnât answer my mind questions out loud.
Oh and a spring let go under my couch today. Just another thing added to the needs a repair job.
Damn when did all the crap hit the fan? Where was I? Where is that short pier for a long walk?
Location: Really deep in the heart of South California Gender:
Posted:
Sep 15, 2025 - 9:20pm
Isabeau wrote:
Alone, with no one to physically speak to, my heart is broken. I'm just now grieving the loss of the most intimate relationship I've had in years (mum). My closest friend is processing her own shit and not available for support. Lost credit card was replaced with one having a bad chip - card less for almost 3 weeks. Tech guy at Subaru dealer has unintentionally screwed up my phone. Carport installers just hit my waterline, had to stop until I can get an emergency plumber. (my front lawn is flooding as I type) $400 in permit fees and deposit, lost in the ether. Trying to be brave. Trying to remain grateful. Keep looking at the positives. Keep up the Spiritual work. But today, just for today, I can't hold back the tears anymore.
Keep on.
We here may not be the best substitute for things... but we're here.
Things only get better when you hit the bottom.
I think of you often.
Location: On the edge of tomorrow looking back at yesterday Gender:
Posted:
Sep 15, 2025 - 8:33pm
Isabeau wrote:
Thank you peeps. These messages mean a lot.
8K for a new waterline. A feral kitty I was feeding got hit by a car. (this too shall pass?) When you're alone your mind can be a dangerous neighborhood. My share of dysfunction childhood, etc. I often wonder why I should stick around.
I long for the bliss before.
Bless all of you for your caring thoughts and words. The feeling behind them is felt and deeply appreciated.
I too know the feeling of being alone. I spent part of my adult life taking care of my parents, about 20+ of my prime working years. Itâs been 10 years next month since my mom passed. I canât find a job to save my life because of being a caregiver for all those years even after getting a micro masters during covid. No current designs and software to show for those lost years and being of the age when I should be retiring. Iâm too old for many companies even though I know my stuff.
Iâm still waiting for the Probate Courts decision on the papers Iâve filed multiple times this year for them to deed the house in my name officially. Thatâs one thing that mom could have helped me with so I didnât have to sweat this out over the years. She just kept procrastinated until she wasnât fit to file the paperwork. And with no job or income by the time itâs mine i will probably lose the house for back taxes when I can no longer pay it. And now my healthcare is in doubt, as well as my SNAP and home oil assistance.
All I do is repairs on the house from year of neglect during warm weather seasons and try to do online classes during the winter months. No money so I have to do the repairs myself as long as my body olds up.
Saturday I smelt something dead somewhere around the outside of the house. Found one of my wild cotton tail yearlings I named niblets in my basement window well. Made me sad and mad. Had to be the black cat Iâve seen around lately.
And like you, my mind wonders thinking of what do I have to show for myself in my lifespan. Thats a very slippery path to walk down. Just as I shouldnât answer my mind questions out loud.
Oh and a spring let go under my couch today. Just another thing added to the needs a repair job.
Damn when did all the crap hit the fan? Where was I? Where is that short pier for a long walk?
Thank you peeps. These messages mean a lot.
8K for a new waterline. A feral kitty I was feeding got hit by a car. (this too shall pass?)
When you're alone your mind can be a dangerous neighborhood. My share of dysfunction childhood, etc. I often wonder why I should stick around.
I long for the bliss before.
Bless all of you for your caring thoughts and words. The feeling behind them is felt and deeply appreciated.
Thank you peeps. These messages mean a lot.
8K for a new waterline. A feral kitty I was feeding got hit by a car. (this too shall pass?)
When you're alone your mind can be a dangerous neighborhood. My share of dysfunction childhood, etc. I often wonder why I should stick around.
I long for the bliss before.
Bless all of you for your caring thoughts and words. The feeling behind them is felt and deeply appreciated.
Alone, with no one to physically speak to, my heart is broken. I'm just now grieving the loss of the most intimate relationship I've had in years (mum). My closest friend is processing her own shit and not available for support. Lost credit card was replaced with one having a bad chip - card less for almost 3 weeks. Tech guy at Subaru dealer has unintentionally screwed up my phone. Carport installers just hit my waterline, had to stop until I can get an emergency plumber. (my front lawn is flooding as I type) $400 in permit fees and deposit, lost in the ether. Trying to be brave. Trying to remain grateful. Keep looking at the positives. Keep up the Spiritual work. But today, just for today, I can't hold back the tears anymore.
I could just say..thoughts and prayers, you know?...chuck in a hug emoji...and go on with my day ....but I won't leave it there.
I am so sorry you are having a really tough time right now, I know it sucks, big time.
Life is hard and shitty sometimes, and when one crappy thing happens it often seems like a bunch more crappy things happen to just pile on and grind you when you are already feeling at your worst.
Gratitude is hard to practice sometimes, I know, but there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, even if it is just the fact that you are alive still, because nobody knows what is just around the corner tomorrow that could change everything.
Crying is superb therapy, do it, a lot... especially if you feel alone and won't upset your cat or whatever.
Here is something I have fallen back on a thousand times in my life, and it shifts you from the downward, reverse-gear negative spiral, through neutral, and back into low or first gear..from which you can start recreating a better reality, because you cannot create or manifest better things from a place of desperation or negativity.
You have to first become OK with what is.
'Even though this situation is far from ideal...in this moment, it's OK...and in this moment, I'm OK.'
Repeat and repeat and repeat.....because right now, in this moment...as you read this.....it is actually OK, and you are actually OK.
None of this happening right now is fatal or terminal.
God bless you, it's going to be OK, ma'am....you are gonna be OK.
And yeh...thoughts and prayers from Europe.
Alone, with no one to physically speak to, my heart is broken. I'm just now grieving the loss of the most intimate relationship I've had in years (mum). My closest friend is processing her own shit and not available for support. Lost credit card was replaced with one having a bad chip - card less for almost 3 weeks. Tech guy at Subaru dealer has unintentionally screwed up my phone. Carport installers just hit my waterline, had to stop until I can get an emergency plumber. (my front lawn is flooding as I type) $400 in permit fees and deposit, lost in the ether. Trying to be brave. Trying to remain grateful. Keep looking at the positives. Keep up the Spiritual work. But today, just for today, I can't hold back the tears anymore.
Location: On the edge of tomorrow looking back at yesterday Gender:
Posted:
Sep 13, 2025 - 6:13pm
Isabeau wrote:
Alone, with no one to physically speak to, my heart is broken. I'm just now grieving the loss of the most intimate relationship I've had in years (mum). My closest friend is processing her own shit and not available for support. Lost credit card was replaced with one having a bad chip - card less for almost 3 weeks. Tech guy at Subaru dealer has unintentionally screwed up my phone. Carport installers just hit my waterline, had to stop until I can get an emergency plumber. (my front lawn is flooding as I type) $400 in permit fees and deposit, lost in the ether. Trying to be brave. Trying to remain grateful. Keep looking at the positives. Keep up the Spiritual work. But today, just for today, I can't hold back the tears anymore.
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Sep 13, 2025 - 6:05pm
Isabeau wrote:
Alone, with no one to physically speak to, my heart is broken. I'm just now grieving the loss of the most intimate relationship I've had in years (mum). My closest friend is processing her own shit and not available for support. Lost credit card was replaced with one having a bad chip - card less for almost 3 weeks. Tech guy at Subaru dealer has unintentionally screwed up my phone. Carport installers just hit my waterline, had to stop until I can get an emergency plumber. (my front lawn is flooding as I type) $400 in permit fees and deposit, lost in the ether. Trying to be brave. Trying to remain grateful. Keep looking at the positives. Keep up the Spiritual work. But today, just for today, I can't hold back the tears anymore.
Alone, with no one to physically speak to, my heart is broken. I'm just now grieving the loss of the most intimate relationship I've had in years (mum). My closest friend is processing her own shit and not available for support. Lost credit card was replaced with one having a bad chip - card less for almost 3 weeks. Tech guy at Subaru dealer has unintentionally screwed up my phone. Carport installers just hit my waterline, had to stop until I can get an emergency plumber. (my front lawn is flooding as I type) $400 in permit fees and deposit, lost in the ether. Trying to be brave. Trying to remain grateful. Keep looking at the positives. Keep up the Spiritual work. But today, just for today, I can't hold back the tears anymore.
Alone, with no one to physically speak to, my heart is broken. I'm just now grieving the loss of the most intimate relationship I've had in years (mum). My closest friend is processing her own shit and not available for support. Lost credit card was replaced with one having a bad chip - card less for almost 3 weeks. Tech guy at Subaru dealer has unintentionally screwed up my phone. Carport installers just hit my waterline, had to stop until I can get an emergency plumber. (my front lawn is flooding as I type) $400 in permit fees and deposit, lost in the ether. Trying to be brave. Trying to remain grateful. Keep looking at the positives. Keep up the Spiritual work. But today, just for today, I can't hold back the tears anymore.
Yeah it's weird that that feels like better news somehow.
Despair is like a person's soul warring with their spirit and using grief for a cudgel. This is as hard as it gets to fathom reason. Hug your beautiful kids, man.
Just learned of the death of a kid I know from ski patrol. A physician's assistant, telehealth worker, fishing guide, world traveler. Easiest smile and genuinely kind person. At home, apparent suicide. 35.
