Just got a call.They found my Dad on the floor next to his bed this morning,Evidently he fell trying to get to the bathroom.No damage,but a clear sign he isn't ready to come home.
Parents are precious. We'll miss them when they are gone.
Hang in there bokey.
When I I did my daily ritual of calling Mom this morning there was no answer after 3 attempts. With a thumping in my heart and the expectation of a disaster I quickly drove over there only to find she was at a neighbors drinking tea and she forgot to call and tell me. And it was more my fault as I have the neighbors number just didn't think to call over there.
Just got a call.They found my Dad on the floor next to his bed this morning,Evidently he fell trying to get to the bathroom.No damage,but a clear sign he isn't ready to come home.
Just got a call.They found my Dad on the floor next to his bed this morning,Evidently he fell trying to get to the bathroom.No damage,but a clear sign he isn't ready to come home.
Just got a call. They found my Dad on the floor next to his bed this morning, Evidently he fell trying to get to the bathroom. No damage, but a clear sign he isn't ready to come home.
I'd THINK that if his Doc will say that it is Alzheimer's related, they can't kick him out under ADA. We should message when you come back up for air.
Yeah, but by the same token the facility has an obligation to its other residents as well. It's a lousy deal all the way around. I wish there was some way to help our friend.
On a side note, in an effort to be honest with myself if no other reason: I got rather combative at the meeting. I found it so painful to listen to what they were saying and to concede that it was probably happening, even though I know it must be. Either I made myself quite unpleasant to speak with, or they were able to make me feel that I was. I'll ask Greg when he gets home which one he thinks it was; he'll tell me the truth. Because facts are facts- if I'm going to work with these people and ask them to be his advocates and have compassion for him, I cannot combat them at the same time.
Right now, this minute, I feel like I'm in a deep, black forest and just like the hummers who got trapped in my studio this week, I can't find the sky.
I'd THINK that if his Doc will say that it is Alzheimer's related, they can't kick him out under ADA. We should message when you come back up for air.
Yes, thank you, I would appreciate any advice you can give me. If his doc won't medicate him, or if it doesn't work, they will require that he either check himself into some hospital to the west of us and have "therapy" (which will probably include playing with his meds) or leave. It would be covered by medicare if we really do need it, or if his doc trusts this new facility, but it all feels so off to me, I don't know what to make of any of it.
When I look back at pictures of my mother in her last few months, I can very clearly see she wasn't really present. Still, I am glad we spent as much time "in family mode" as possible. It brought my brother and sisters and their kids to my house on plenty of occasions, and we made the most of our time together. It was good for US, and we needed it.
My grandmother was in and out for a while and then mostly out for a couple of years. We had several big family gatherings with her. It was clear she wasn't the same as before, but she did relax and enjoy when everyone was there. She seemed to like the chaos of a full house.
Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe Gender:
Posted:
Aug 31, 2011 - 10:13am
MsJudi wrote:
So we had our meeting today and I feel battered, now. Upshot: they want him medicated (shades of elementary school principals' and teachers' demands). In contact with his doctor, will see what he recommends. If we can't get this sexual inappropriateness under control, they will make him leave, period. That's their stand and they're treating it as an intentional act rather than a symptom of Alzheimer's. Ridiculous, of course, but they aren't hearing that.
Anyway, I'm going to try and push all this behind me for the rest of the afternoon, get into the studio, and lose myself in color.
I'd THINK that if his Doc will say that it is Alzheimer's related, they can't kick him out under ADA. We should message when you come back up for air.
So we had our meeting today and I feel battered, now. Upshot: they want him medicated (shades of elementary school principals' and teachers' demands). In contact with his doctor, will see what he recommends. If we can't get this sexual inappropriateness under control, they will make him leave, period. That's their stand and they're treating it as an intentional act rather than a symptom of Alzheimer's. Ridiculous, of course, but they aren't hearing that.
Anyway, I'm going to try and push all this behind me for the rest of the afternoon, get into the studio, and lose myself in color.
I couldn't stop crying when I first heard this Crowded House song (cowritten by a Dixie Chick). It's just so poignant when you have to say goodbye to a loved one with dementia. But I think people in here will appreciate it.
These walls have eyes Rows of photographs And faces like mine Who do we become Without knowing where We started from It's true I'm missing you As I stand alone in your room Everyday that will pass you by Every name that you won't recall Everything that you made by hand Everything that you know by heart And I will try to connect All the pieces you left I will carry it on And let you forget And I'll remember the years When your mind was clear How the laughter and life Filled up this silent house One room Two single beds In the closet hangs Your favorite dress The books that you read Are in scattered piles Of paper shreds Everything that you made by hand Everything that you know by heart And I will try to connect All the pieces you left I will carry it on And let you forget And I'll remember the years When your mind was clear How the laughter and life Filled up this silent house Silent house In the garden off the living room A chill fills the air And the lilies bloom And I will try to connect All the pieces you left I will carry it on And let you forget And I'll remember the years When your mind was clear How the laughter and life Filled up this And I will try to connect All the pieces you left I will carry it on And let you forget And I'll remember the years When your mind was clear How the laughter and life Filled up this silent house Silent house
When I look back at pictures of my mother in her last few months, I can very clearly see she wasn't really present. Still, I am glad we spent as much time "in family mode" as possible. It brought my brother and sisters and their kids to my house on plenty of occasions, and we made the most of our time together. It was good for US, and we needed it.
I keep thinking this must be true for me and Mom right now. There was a reason for it......
However, my sisters and I all grieve the loss of the Mom who started fading slowly away about 7 years ago. The Mom you could have a heart-to-heart with, and who'd really listen and process what you were saying normally, and offer sound feedback. Instead of ask irrelevant questions about what you told her, or get all obsessively worried, or just forget 10 minutes later. We miss the Mom who would have something yummy cooking when you came home, whistling in the kitchen instead of watching hours of television all day (she does do crossword puzzles and play Scrabble still). Parts of her are still around, and happy & funny and herself—-but others, not so much.
And when she dies, it will be like losing her a second time.
But I'm with BHD. I am treasuring and savoring every "mommy hug" I can get, before I move away....and the end start to approach for her.
And I think that's the worst thing about this disease: there's no happy ending where most families say, "I'm so glad we had that time together before the end..." because there is no time together. You remain in this world while your loved one fades away day by day.
When I look back at pictures of my mother in her last few months, I can very clearly see she wasn't really present. Still, I am glad we spent as much time "in family mode" as possible. It brought my brother and sisters and their kids to my house on plenty of occasions, and we made the most of our time together. It was good for US, and we needed it.
And I think that's the worst thing about this disease: there's no happy ending where most families say, "I'm so glad we had that time together before the end..." because there is no time together. You remain in this world while your loved one fades away day by day.
And I think that's the worst thing about this disease: there's no happy ending where most families say, "I'm so glad we had that time together before the end..." because there is no time together. You remain in this world while your loved one fades away day by day.
Not to put to blunt a spin on things, greg and i are fucking terrified of what we're going to be told when we walk in there tomorrow. How can it possibly be good news, right?
Are there any facilities with a male-only staff? Like a VA-type place? Wouldn't that be a perfect solution??
Thank you Judi. I cared for my mom when she was battling cancer. I just kept thinking "I sure don't want my kids to have to do this for me..." It wasn't pretty most of the time.
And I think that's the worst thing about this disease: there's no happy ending where most families say, "I'm so glad we had that time together before the end..." because there is no time together. You remain in this world while your loved one fades away day by day.
It was good for US, and we needed it. 
