Capital Punishment
- R_P - Jan 18, 2021 - 5:19pm
What makes you smile?
- Antigone - Jan 18, 2021 - 3:49pm
Trump
- R_P - Jan 18, 2021 - 2:32pm
Google Docs (Docs, Spreadsheets, etc)
- rgio - Jan 18, 2021 - 2:10pm
The death penalty on trial?
- black321 - Jan 18, 2021 - 1:06pm
Things You Thought Today
- oldviolin - Jan 18, 2021 - 10:41am
What did you have for dinner?
- Antigone - Jan 18, 2021 - 10:27am
Name My Band
- oldviolin - Jan 18, 2021 - 10:05am
Fox Spews
- rgio - Jan 18, 2021 - 8:49am
Language
- rhahl - Jan 18, 2021 - 7:35am
Radio Paradise Comments
- Coaxial - Jan 18, 2021 - 7:29am
Mixtape Culture Club
- ColdMiser - Jan 18, 2021 - 7:12am
Liberal please,
- rhahl - Jan 18, 2021 - 6:57am
Counting with Pictures
- yuel - Jan 18, 2021 - 6:47am
Live Music
- R_P - Jan 17, 2021 - 10:01pm
COVID-19
- R_P - Jan 17, 2021 - 6:53pm
honk if you think manbird and OV are one and the same ent...
- oldviolin - Jan 17, 2021 - 2:59pm
Jam!
- rhahl - Jan 17, 2021 - 1:10pm
Poetry Forum
- ScottN - Jan 17, 2021 - 11:54am
A motivational quote
- kurtster - Jan 17, 2021 - 11:41am
Regarding dogs
- rhahl - Jan 17, 2021 - 11:10am
The Obituary Page
- rgio - Jan 17, 2021 - 9:48am
Freedom of speech?
- miamizsun - Jan 17, 2021 - 8:22am
Social Media Are Changing Everything
- black321 - Jan 17, 2021 - 7:37am
Today in History
- Red_Dragon - Jan 17, 2021 - 7:36am
Best movies ever?
- rhahl - Jan 17, 2021 - 3:41am
Breaking News
- kurtster - Jan 16, 2021 - 4:37pm
Automotive Lust
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Jan 16, 2021 - 4:28pm
Trump Lies
- ScottN - Jan 16, 2021 - 12:05pm
Outstanding Covers
- R_P - Jan 16, 2021 - 11:48am
What Are You Going To Do Today?
- miamizsun - Jan 16, 2021 - 5:54am
Vocabulary Quiz
- rhahl - Jan 16, 2021 - 5:31am
Flim Festivals on Now
- rhahl - Jan 16, 2021 - 3:59am
2020 Elections
- haresfur - Jan 15, 2021 - 8:44pm
Baby words that stuck in your family
- Manbird - Jan 15, 2021 - 8:06pm
Our tolerance for opposing views
- Isabeau - Jan 15, 2021 - 2:14pm
What is the meaning of this?
- Isabeau - Jan 15, 2021 - 2:00pm
Climate Change
- R_P - Jan 15, 2021 - 12:47pm
what the hell, miamizsun?
- oldviolin - Jan 15, 2021 - 10:20am
What the hell OV?
- miamizsun - Jan 15, 2021 - 9:51am
Physics questions
- oldviolin - Jan 15, 2021 - 8:56am
Classical Music
- rhahl - Jan 15, 2021 - 6:48am
Capitalism and Consumerism... now what?
- miamizsun - Jan 15, 2021 - 6:10am
RightWingNutZ
- Red_Dragon - Jan 15, 2021 - 5:55am
Back to the 10's
- rhahl - Jan 15, 2021 - 5:37am
Museum Of Bad Album Covers
- Proclivities - Jan 15, 2021 - 4:58am
Twitter's finest moment
- Jiggz - Jan 15, 2021 - 1:28am
Country Up The Bumpkin
- oldviolin - Jan 14, 2021 - 8:14pm
What The Hell Buddy?
- oldviolin - Jan 14, 2021 - 8:09pm
In My Room
- oldviolin - Jan 14, 2021 - 7:58pm
Looting & vandalism isn't protest
- R_P - Jan 14, 2021 - 5:25pm
Insane-looking Lawyers
- rhahl - Jan 14, 2021 - 4:14pm
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Jan 14, 2021 - 2:54pm
Joe Biden
- black321 - Jan 14, 2021 - 2:07pm
Race in America
- sirdroseph - Jan 14, 2021 - 12:32pm
New Music
- R_P - Jan 14, 2021 - 12:11pm
hallucinogenic drugs
- sirdroseph - Jan 14, 2021 - 11:09am
Back to the 90's
- rgio - Jan 14, 2021 - 7:47am
Concept Albums
- oldviolin - Jan 14, 2021 - 7:34am
Democratic Party
- kurtster - Jan 14, 2021 - 6:17am
Biden Crime Family
- westslope - Jan 13, 2021 - 6:59pm
2 questions.
- miamizsun - Jan 13, 2021 - 5:30pm
Australia has Disappeared
- haresfur - Jan 13, 2021 - 5:12pm
Impeachment Time:
- R_P - Jan 13, 2021 - 2:49pm
Back to the 60's
- kcar - Jan 13, 2021 - 2:45pm
Oh, The Stupidity
- R_P - Jan 13, 2021 - 2:16pm
Know your memes
- black321 - Jan 13, 2021 - 12:02pm
Republican Party
- miamizsun - Jan 13, 2021 - 10:53am
The Global War on Terror
- westslope - Jan 13, 2021 - 9:36am
Great guitar faces
- yuel - Jan 13, 2021 - 6:37am
DQ (as in 'Daily Quote')
- miamizsun - Jan 13, 2021 - 4:41am
• • • Poopoo • • •
- miamizsun - Jan 13, 2021 - 4:15am
Those Lovable Policemen
- haresfur - Jan 12, 2021 - 5:26pm
Military Matters
- Ohmsen - Jan 12, 2021 - 2:00pm
Dear Retail Fashion Industry
- Ohmsen - Jan 12, 2021 - 1:30pm
|
Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
|
Page: Previous 1, 2, 3, ... 309, 310, 311 Next |
SeriousLee

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres 
|
Posted:
Dec 24, 2017 - 10:37am |
|
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are trapped on an island 20 miles from shore, and the only way to get back is to swim. The brunette goes 15 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The redhead goes 17 miles, gets tired, and also drowns. Then the blonde gets to 19 miles, gets tired, turns around and swims back.
|
|
kcar


|
Posted:
Jul 30, 2017 - 9:03pm |
|
Steely_D wrote: You HOPE that's how it happened.
   I stopped speculating about what certain folks do BCD right after the Starr report about Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Stained blue dresses? Cigars inserted in unusual spots? Phones going places they weren't meant to go? I know nuss-sing, Colonel Hogan! Nussing!  Really: was there ever a face more completely summed-up by the word "sausage"?
|
|
Steely_D

Location: Biscayne Bay Gender:  
|
Posted:
Jul 30, 2017 - 7:29pm |
|
kcar wrote: Reminds me of a newspaper article I read about 16% of cell phones having fecal bacteria on them. Talking/texting/gaming on the throne is a favorite pastime apparently. You HOPE that's how it happened.
|
|
kcar


|
Posted:
Jul 30, 2017 - 3:31pm |
|
SeriousLee wrote:I was in the public restroom I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall: "Hi, how are you?" Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!" Stall: "So what are you up to?" Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here." Stall: "Can I come over?" Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!" Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!"
 Reminds me of a newspaper article I read about 16% of cell phones having fecal bacteria on them. Talking/texting/gaming on the throne is a favorite pastime apparently.
|
|
Steely_D

Location: Biscayne Bay Gender:  
|
Posted:
Jul 30, 2017 - 9:33am |
|
The divorce lawyer is surprised when the very old couple comes in to begin the process. "How old are you two? he asks "I'm 86, she's 87," says the man.
"And you want a divorce? How long have you two been married?" "Been about 65 years as of last fall," she says. "And, yes, we want a divorce as soon as you can get it done. We can't stand each other."
"OK, I can certainly take care of that. But I have to ask, why now after so many years?" "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead."
|
|
miamizsun

Location: (3261.3 Miles SE of RP) Gender:  
|
Posted:
Jul 30, 2017 - 7:59am |
|
|
|
SeriousLee

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres 
|
Posted:
Jul 28, 2017 - 2:37pm |
|
George and Ethel met for the first time at the Seniors complex. It was love at first sight. They were both over 90 years old when they tied the knot. They had a 1-night honeymoon at the local motel. Ethel, well it had been a long time since she spent a night with a man and all her girl friends at the seniors complex couldn't wait to hear from her when she came back from her honeymoon. "So, Ethel, what happened", they asked the day after. "Well," Ethel said, "I was waiting in bed for him. Then he came near the bed. He took his shirt off and threw it on the chair. He took his pants off and threw them on the chair. He took his toupee off and threw it on the chair. He took his glasses off and put them on the table by the chair. He took his hearing aids off and put them on the table by the chair. He took his dentures off and put them on the table by the chair. He took one eye out and put it on the table by the chair. He took one arm off and put it on the chair. He took one hand off and put it on the chair. He took one leg off and put it on the chair. He took one foot off and put it on the chair." "And? What happened after that?" "Well," Ethel said, "I spent the night on the chair since there was more of him there"
|
|
SeriousLee

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres 
|
Posted:
Jul 8, 2017 - 11:05am |
|
You must have heard of the nice Jewish boy who meets the girl he'd like to marry. He realises she has to run the gauntlet of his mother. He decides he will take two other girls home as well, to see if his mother will be able to choose the one he wants to marry. He gets home. The three girls sit down on the sofa opposite his mother. After two minutes, she says to her son, 'It's the one on the left." He says, 'Mother, that's amazing. It's incredible. How could you guess? How could you work out she is the one I want to marry?' His mother shrugs and says , 'Already I don't like her.'
|
|
aflanigan

Location: At Sea Gender:  
|
Posted:
Apr 28, 2017 - 12:39pm |
|
rmgman wrote:3 (add nationality you want to poke fun of here) hunters are hiking through the woods. They stop suddenly when the first one points to the ground and exclaims: "Look, rabbit tracks!' The second one says: "They ain't rabbit tracks, they're deer tracks!" The third one then says: "What's the matter with you two?! Those are beer tracks!" Then they all got hit by a train.
This sounds implausible. Most hunters are smart enough to distinguish the footprints trains leave behind from those left behind by animals.
|
|
rmgman

Location: North of the Pinelands in NJ Gender:  
|
Posted:
Apr 28, 2017 - 11:36am |
|
3 (add nationality you want to poke fun of here) hunters are hiking through the woods. They stop suddenly when the first one points to the ground and exclaims: "Look, rabbit tracks!' The second one says: "They ain't rabbit tracks, they're deer tracks!" The third one then says: "What's the matter with you two?! Those are beer tracks!" Then they all got hit by a train.
|
|
SeriousLee

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres 
|
Posted:
Apr 28, 2017 - 11:12am |
|
I was in the public restroom I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall: "Hi, how are you?" Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!" Stall: "So what are you up to?" Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here." Stall: "Can I come over?" Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!" Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!"
|
|
rocksaltandnails

Gender:  
|
Posted:
Oct 3, 2016 - 7:41am |
|
Steely_D wrote:Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.' The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.' The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.' The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?' The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly" A+
|
|
Steely_D

Location: Biscayne Bay Gender:  
|
Posted:
Oct 2, 2016 - 6:37pm |
|
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.' The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.' The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.' The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?' The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly"
|
|
SeriousLee

Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres 
|
Posted:
Oct 2, 2016 - 6:05pm |
|
A man got on a bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls. A blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
|
|
Skydog


|
Posted:
May 12, 2016 - 9:38am |
|
a horse goes into a saloon and up to the bar, bartender asks, 'why the long face?'
|
|
DaveInVA

Location: In a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:  
|
Posted:
May 6, 2016 - 1:16pm |
|
It was a practical session in the psychology class. The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage. Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side. The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it. Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread. The male rat ran towards the bread. This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time. And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat. Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction. Then, one of the students from the back rows said: "Sir, why don't you change the female rat? She may be his wife!"
|
|
DaveInVA

Location: In a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:  
|
Posted:
May 6, 2016 - 1:13pm |
|
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories. In the classroom the next day, Joe told his story first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket." "Very good," said the teacher. Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they're hatched." "Excellent!" said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far. Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen ... Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete." "Go on," said the teacher, intrigued. "Aunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?" "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's drunk."
|
|
bokey

Gender:  
|
Posted:
May 3, 2016 - 12:35pm |
|
DaveInVA wrote:A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case? "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?' "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." The judge said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?' "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me." Dave,Dave,Dave.They will listen,you just have to be nice when you're talking.
|
|
DaveInVA

Location: In a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:  
|
Posted:
May 3, 2016 - 12:30pm |
|
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case? "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?' "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." The judge said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?' "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
|
|
aflanigan

Location: At Sea Gender:  
|
Posted:
May 3, 2016 - 7:38am |
|
BlueHeronDruid wrote:Remind us to tell you about the druid labs Midwest Flaming Squirrel Incident™.  No Fair! I've already pulled up a chair. Spill!
|
|
|