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Antigone

Antigone Avatar

Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 8:08pm
Beanie wrote: You guys are making me smile. Especially the thought of Callum in the apron. So what threw me into a funk was that I had a dream about Kes Sunday night. A very, very vivid dream. Good, good, good. I liked the vision of Callum in an apron. too! : I would be right there with him. I had such a dream after my brother was killed ...

muzik

Location: Montana
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 8:08pm

Beanie wrote:

You guys are making me smile. Especially the thought of Callum in the apron.

So what threw me into a funk was that I had a dream about Kes Sunday night. A very, very vivid dream. On one hand it was wonderful to have some contact with her; on the other hand, it made her absence in my physical world all the more devastating. It had me crying for two days straight.

But tonight, Mr. Beanie and I went to a local restaurant where we have many times taken Kes. The wait staff all knew her, and were themselves devastated when she died. But tonight, we just hung out and talked about K, without being overly sad or maudlin. (Daisy was at a friend's house for the night). Turns out the staff from Kiersten's school were also there tonight, celebrating a birthday, and K's 4th grade teacher joined us and part of the wait staff for nearly an hour. We all drank and told stories and cried a little and laughed a lot. It helped a ton.

I feel much more at peace tonight; more like my dream was a gift and not meant to cause me pain. It's better.

Thanks for being here, today and always. It's going to be a long trip and we're glad for the company.

Personally, I've embraced those vivid dreams of my lost loved ones, especially my mom and am grateful for the time together with this person...if only in my dreams...

{#Hug}

Leslie

Leslie Avatar

Location: Antioch, CA
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 8:01pm

Beanie wrote:

You guys are making me smile. Especially the thought of Callum in the apron.

So what threw me into a funk was that I had a dream about Kes Sunday night. A very, very vivid dream. On one hand it was wonderful to have some contact with her; on the other hand, it made her absence in my physical world all that more devastating.

But tonight, Mr. Beanie and I went to a local restaurant where we have many times taken Kes. The wait staff all knew her, and were themselves devastated when she died. But tonight, we just hung out and talked about K, without being overly sad or maudlin. (Daisy was at a friend's house for the night). Turns out the staff from Kiersten's school were also there tonight, celebrating a birthday, and K's 4th grade teacher joined us and part of the wait staff for nearly an hour. We all drank and told stories and cried a little and laughed a lot. It helped a ton.

I feel much more at peace tonight; more like my dream was a gift and not meant to cause me pain. It's better.

Thanks for being here, today and always. It's going to be a long trip and we're glad for the company.

Beanie

Beanie Avatar

Location: under the jellicle moon
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 7:58pm

You guys are making me smile. Especially the thought of Callum in the apron.

ndg

Gender:

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 1:47pm

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

Things are hard today. Christmas is over. I'm not rushing around, trying to get things ready. The house is too quiet. Her room is too dark. I'm too sad to get my thank you notes written (but the task is still looming out there), and too apathetic to start anything else. My house is a mess. I don't care.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

I have no words. Just my thoughts fly to you and your family {#Hug}

Antigone

Antigone Avatar

Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 1:32pm

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

Baby steps, Bean, baby steps (that, if you don't know, is from one of my favorite absurd movies: What About Bob? ).

And, (one, two, three) JAZZ HANDS!!

Yibbyl

Yibbyl Avatar

Location: Gaäd only knows
Gender: Male

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 9:46am

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

1st, some

I'm with the others. Don't feel obligated to write/send out thank you notes. If you want to do a few, do some, but only if you want to.

I do have one recommendation that may differ from other opinions though. If I were you, I would actually clean your bedroom. Let it be a place where you and Mr. Beanie can relax/rest/hold each other without having to feel like you're smothered by chaos. The chore will also give you something to do to keep your mind distracted for a short period. Everything else can wait.

We love you guys! {#Hug}

Welly

Location: Lotusland
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 9:17am

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

Take your time, doll. We're not going anywhere. {#Heartkiss}

Sadfish

Sadfish Avatar

Location: Lancashire, England.
Gender: Male

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 7:27am
Beanie, I've got no wise words to make things feel better, but i've got this to help for a little while.

K_Love

K_Love Avatar

Gender:

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 7:26am
MsJudi wrote: Ignore the thank you notes, no one needs or expects them. Take that chore off your mind, at least, if you can. I agree.

MsJudi

MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 6:56am

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

Ignore the thank you notes, no one needs or expects them. Take that chore off your mind, at least, if you can.

NoEnzLefttoSplit

NoEnzLefttoSplit Avatar

Gender:

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 6:40am

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

It's so impossible to make sense of loss, of the brutal fact that life is fleeting, ephemeral. At least it was for me. There is something fundamentally absurd about death, something that is impossible to grasp. It took me a long while to realize that even though death is absurd this does not mean that life is absurd by association. On the contrary, the vacuity of death is precisely what makes life so precious. But of course, you know all this. Nothing will alleviate the loss, I know. Nothing except for the glorious fact of life itself. And you gave her that life. Bug was an angel who graced the face of Earth. All of you close to her did well to honor that fact by giving her everything she needed to live her life to the full while she was here. Two thumbs up. What an amazing symbol to leave you with. No better acknowledgement of a good life well lived.

Beth, Steve, really, take all the blessings coming your way. That is tiny recompense for all you gave to Bug to make her life so full of joy.

PS And forget the damn thank-you letters already. We don't expect you to burden yourselves with that now. We know where your heart lies.

Was thinking of you a lot this Christmas.

PPS and I could imagine Callum looking pretty good in an apron, I mean if you swung that way.

callum

callum Avatar

Location: its wet, windy and chilly....take a guess
Gender: Male

Posted: Dec 29, 2009 - 5:49am

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

I wish any of us were close enough to pop round and do some cleaning.

Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 28, 2009 - 7:56pm

Beanie wrote:

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

I'm so glad you hang out every so often - it's good to "see" you. A long, cold winter indeed. *sigh* My sister said winter is the best season for grief, because there are no lovely flowers or bright, hot sunlight mocking how you feel.....just nature echoing the feelings inside. And there is more time to just stay in, go within, and hibernate with it.

Anyway....lotsa love, sistah. Lots and lots. {#Hug}

hippiechick

hippiechick Avatar

Location: topsy turvy land
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 28, 2009 - 7:19pm

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

A wound like yours is just like a physical wound and it will take time to heal. Take care of yourself.

{#Hug}

winter

winter Avatar

Location: in exile, as always
Gender: Male

Posted: Dec 28, 2009 - 7:01pm

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

(former member)

(former member) Avatar

Posted: Dec 28, 2009 - 7:00pm
kysmet wrote: Take your time Jazz Hands! I don't know about Bean, but that made me laugh like an idiot.

K_Love

K_Love Avatar

Gender:

Posted: Dec 28, 2009 - 6:58pm

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" enough to hang out here again.

Take your time

Jazz Hands!

onlylynne

onlylynne Avatar

Location: On a bluff near the Missouri River
Gender: Female

Posted: Dec 28, 2009 - 6:55pm

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" again to hang out here.

Much love to you, B. {#Heartkiss}

(former member)

(former member) Avatar

Posted: Dec 28, 2009 - 6:53pm

Beanie wrote:

I just spent some time really, actually reading through this thread. I'm still flabbergasted at the love you all poured into this.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

Thank you, Bug, for giving me nine beautiful years. I wish I'd had ninety more with you.

And thank all of you, again..still...for your love and your thoughts and your messages. I look forward to being "with-it" again to hang out here.

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